Breakups: no one gets out unscathed.

Whether you’re the heartbreaker or the heartbroken, one thing is nearly universal—at some point, you're going to trash your ex.

You’ll reframe your relationship, maybe with a little creative license, and suddenly that person who you once adored becomes the poster child for everything wrong in your life.

But why do we do this?

Is it just bitterness, or is something deeper at play? Spoiler alert: it’s all about magical thinking, the brain’s way of coping with the emotional earthquake that is a breakup.

So, buckle up as we explore why we trash our exes, how magical thinking shapes our reality, and how deception (both toward ourselves and others) can soothe our emotional wounds—at least temporarily.

Breaking up is hard enough, but breaking up with a toxic ex can be even more complicated. Often, the best advice for healing from a toxic relationship is to establish a firm boundary—complete no contact.

This strategy is designed to protect your mental health, rebuild emotional stability, and create space for personal growth.

However, this process can leave your toxic ex feeling devalued, discarded, or even enraged.

This emotional paradox can make the no contact rule feel like a double-edged sword—one that both protects and disrupts.

In this post, we’ll explore the no contact rule, the reactions of a toxic ex, and how to navigate this complex dynamic.

You’ll learn how to protect yourself from further emotional manipulation while understanding why your ex might feel abandoned or rejected.

Deciding whether to stay in a relationship is one of the most challenging and emotionally charged decisions anyone can face.

The question, "Should I stay in my relationship?" often arises when folks feel unsure about the future or when issues seem insurmountable.

This blog post aims to guide you through the process of evaluating your relationship, using insights from social science research to help you make a reasonably informed decision.

Let's jump in!

Divorce is challenging under the best of circumstances, but when one or both parties involved are covert narcissists, the experience can reach a whole new level of complexity.

Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists don’t flaunt their egos with grandiosity; instead, they wrap themselves in a cloak of victimhood, often making the divorce process feel like a slow, emotional death by a thousand cuts.

As a couples therapist, I've seen both men and women navigate this treacherous terrain, and the dynamics are as fascinating as they are frustrating.

In recent years, a fascinating trend has emerged among older Americans in the dating scene: reconnecting with past romantic partners.

Many older adults are revisiting old connections, whether it's rekindling a relationship with a high school sweetheart, a college flame, or even an ex-spouse.

But why is this happening now, and what does it reveal about human growth and relationships across decades? As a couples therapist, I’ve seen the powerful emotions and profound changes that accompany these reunions, and this phenomenon is worth exploring in depth.

In my practice, I’ve seen many clients navigate the complexities of balancing personal growth with commitment to their relationships.

The emerging trend of "canon-bailing" offers a profound perspective on this balance, emphasizing the importance of pivotal life moments and personal development.

Let’s explore what canon-bailing truly means, its broader social implications, and how it can reshape our understanding of modern relationships.

What is Canon-Bailing?

When Emma and John decided to end their marriage after 15 years together, the emotional turbulence they faced was daunting.

With two young children caught in the middle, their journey through divorce was not only about separating lives but also about managing the psychological and physical tolls of such a significant change.

As a science-based couples counselor, I aim to shed light on what really happens to your body and mind during a breakup, using Emma and John’s story as a guide.

Let's explore the physiological and psychological responses and strategies for navigating this challenging period.

Our culture often views divorce as a failure, especially when it involves infidelity.

Longevity is seen as the ultimate indicator of marital success, but many people who stayed "till death do us part" have been miserable.

When a relationship has run its course, I strive to help it end with dignity and integrity. I see no contradiction in asking a couple about the success of their breakup.

When we think of grounds for divorce, physical abuse or infidelity often come to mind.

However, emotional abuse is equally damaging and, in many cases, justifies ending a marriage.

This guide delves into the intricacies of emotional abuse, its impact on intimate partners, and why it can indeed be grounds for divorce.

Divorce mediation is often hailed as a less adversarial and more cost-effective way to dissolve a marriage.

However, there are situations where mediation may not be the best option.

As a science-based couples therapist, it is essential to recognize the scenarios where divorce mediation may not be recommended, ensuring the process is both fair and effective.

Divorce is never easy, but throw a narcissist into the mix, and it's like trying to navigate a minefield while blindfolded.

Whether you're contemplating divorce, already in the thick of it, or still reeling from the aftermath, understanding the narcissistic dynamics at play is crucial.

As a science-based couples therapist, I’ve curated a list of must-read books on narcissism and divorce to help you navigate this challenging journey with some humor and a lot of practical advice.

Recovering emotionally from a divorce may take from 1 to 4 years, new research from Finland suggests.

Indeed, for those over 50, so-called ‘gray divorces’… a complete recovery may never come...

Women are particularly hard hit after divorce or breakup, as reflected in their antidepressant use, according to a well-designed, substantive, long-term study…