Who Gets the Dog? The Brutal, Absurd, and Surprisingly Emotional World of Pet Custody Battles
Sunday, March 16, 2025. Fredericksburg Virginia. This is for Dan, I love you son.
There is a grand American tradition of divorce drama—where people fight over who gets the house, the car, or the overpriced Le Creuset dutch oven—there’s a new battleground: who gets the dog? Or the cat?
Or the parrot that’s been trained to mimic your ex’s most condescending tone?
For many couples, the pet isn’t just an animal.
It’s a fur baby, an emotional support system, and the only creature in the house that didn’t contribute to the divorce (except maybe by taking sides).
So when a relationship implodes, fighting over the pet can be just as vicious as fighting over the kids.
And yet, the legal system—despite all its high-minded ideals—is still playing catch-up.
How the Law Sees Your Pet (Hint: Not the Way You Do)
In the eyes of the law, pets have traditionally been classified as property—not much different from the living room couch or a set of golf clubs. This means that for decades, pet custody was determined by the cold, unfeeling logic of property division:
Who paid for the pet?
Whose name is on the adoption papers?
Whose credit card got charged for that emergency vet visit when Max ate an entire sock?
It wasn’t about the well-being of the pet. It wasn’t about who actually cared for them. It was about ownership.
But as anyone who’s ever shared their life with a pet knows, this is absurd. You don’t “own” a dog the way you own a coffee table. A dog wags its tail when you come home, sleeps at your feet, and somehow knows exactly when you need comfort. And when that dog is caught in the middle of a divorce, it’s not just an asset—it’s family.
This is why a few forward-thinking states have started to change the rules.
The New Pet Custody Laws: A Shift Toward "Best Interest"
In the last decade, a handful of states have started treating pet custody more like child custody (albeit without the court-mandated weekend visits).
Alaska was the first to break away from treating pets as property, passing a law in 2017 that required courts to consider the pet’s well-being in divorce cases.
California and Illinois followed, allowing judges to assess who was actually taking care of the pet.
New York joined in 2021, making it mandatory for judges to think about what’s best for the pet before making a decision.
This means that courts can now weigh factors like:
✅ Who takes the pet to the vet?
✅ Who actually feeds, walks, and grooms them?
✅ Who has the most stable home environment?
Which sounds great… until you realize most states are still stuck in the Dark Ages, treating pets like fancy coffee machines rather than living creatures with emotional bonds.
What Happens When Judges Don’t Know What to Do?
Despite some progress, the legal system is still wildly inconsistent when it comes to pet custody. Judges don’t always know how to handle these cases, and so you get decisions like:
📌 The New Jersey Case That Treated a Dog Like a Couch
In Houseman v. Dare, a couple bought a dog together. When they split, one partner kept the dog—even though the other had a strong emotional bond. The court ruled that the dog was property, but it also acknowledged its “unique” status, leading to a compromise.
📌 The New York Case That Refused to Compare Dogs to Children
In Travis v. Murray, a judge declined to apply child custody standards to a pet dispute, but still spent a good chunk of time figuring out who actually cared for the dog the most.
📌 The Case of the “Dognapping” Ex
In some breakups, when one partner doesn’t get custody of the pet, they just take matters into their own hands—literally. There have been cases where an ex has stolen the dog back, triggering even bigger legal battles.
Enter: The Pet Prenup (Yes, This Is a Real Thing)
Given how messy and unpredictable these fights can get, some couples are getting ahead of the problem with "pet-nuptial agreements." I kid you not!
These agreements work just like regular prenups, but instead of talking about assets, they spell out who gets the pet if the relationship ends. Some even include clauses for shared custody, vet bills, and weekend visits (which, let’s be honest, is much better for the dog than a full-on court battle).
While not every court will enforce these agreements, they at least provide some clarity—and possibly prevent you from getting into a bitter legal fight over the family Beagle.
The Emotional Fallout: Why Losing a Pet Feels Like Losing Family
It’s not just about custody—it’s about grief.
Multiple studies show that losing a pet can be as emotionally devastating as losing a close friend or family member. So when a relationship ends and someone loses their pet, the emotional toll is enormous.
Social scientists have found that pets provide:
🐾 Emotional support in times of crisis
🐾 Companionship and routine, especially in childless relationships
🐾 A sense of stability and unconditional love
This explains why pet custody battles often feel more personal than fighting over the house or the car.
Because when you lose a pet in a divorce, you’re not just losing “property”—you’re losing a daily source of comfort, a creature that doesn’t judge you, and the one member of the household that never took sides.
The Future of Pet Custody: Are We Headed for "Dog Custody Court"?
Some legal experts predict that as pets become more central to family life, we’ll start seeing specialized pet custody courts, just like we have family courts for child custody disputes.
For now, though, the best thing you can do is:
✔️ Plan ahead. If you’re getting a pet with a partner, talk about what would happen if you broke up.
✔️ Keep records. If you’re the primary caregiver, keep receipts for vet visits, food, and pet insurance—this could help in court.
✔️ Try Mediation Before Lawyering Up. A bitter legal fight won’t be good for you—or the pet.
And if you’re currently locked in a custody battle over a golden retriever, take heart: at least you’re not fighting over a fish. (Yes, that has actually happened.)
Final Thoughts
As breeding children has become inconvenient, pet custody battles is proof of how deeply we bond with our animals. They’re not just pets. They’re not property. They’re family. And until the legal system fully catches up, divorcing folks will keep fighting tooth and nail to keep their best friends by their side.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESOURCES:
Houseman v. Dare, 966 A.2d 24 (N.J. Super. Ct. App. Div. 2009).
Travis v. Murray, 42 Misc. 3d 447 (N.Y. Sup. Ct. 2013).
New York State Senate. (2021). New Pet Custody Law Passed. Retrieved from https://www.nysenate.gov.
American Psychological Association. (2021). The Psychological Impact of Losing a Pet. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org.