Welcome to my Blog
Thank you for stopping by. This space is where I share research, reflections, and practical tools drawn from my experience as a marriage and family therapist.
Are you a couple looking for clarity? A professional curious about the science of relationships? Or simply someone interested in how love and resilience work? I’m glad you’ve found your way here. I can help with that.
Each post is written with one goal in mind: to help you better understand yourself, your partner, and the hidden dynamics that shape human connection.
Grab a coffee (or a notebook), explore what speaks to you, and take what’s useful back into your life and relationships. And if a post sparks a question, or makes you realize you could use more support, I’d love to hear from you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
~Daniel
P.S.
Feel free to explore the categories below to find past blog posts on the topics that matter most to you. If you’re curious about attachment, navigating conflict, or strengthening intimacy, these archives are a great way to dive deeper into the research and insights that I’ve been sharing for years.
- Attachment Issues
- Coronavirus
- Couples Therapy
- Extramarital Affairs
- Family Life and Parenting
- How to Fight Fair
- Inlaws and Extended Families
- Intercultural Relationships
- Marriage and Mental Health
- Married Life & Intimate Relationships
- Neurodiverse Couples
- Separation & Divorce
- Signs of Trouble
- Social Media and Relationships
- What Happy Couples Know
Radically Honest Obituaries: Why Some Families Are Telling the Brutal Truth
It’s not just your imagination—obituaries are getting sharper, funnier, and far more candid.
Families who once followed the safe script of “beloved parent, devoted spouse” are now publishing tributes that read more like exposés.
It feels less like mourning and more like cultural rebellion. In a world where résumés and Instagram captions are polished to perfection, the radical honest obituary cuts through with startling clarity.
What Are Radical Honest Obituaries?
Most obituaries smooth over flaws. They emphasize kindness, family, and tradition, while quietly ignoring cruelty, neglect, or addiction. Radical honest obituaries break that rule. They highlight what actually happened—sometimes tenderly, more often than not, savagely.
And because they violate the social contract of death—be kind, or be silent—they go viral. These obits aren’t just memorials; they’re also moral reckonings.
Obituaries: America’s Last Cultural Mirror of Legacy
“She never met a stranger.” Four words in a small-town obituary that said more than any résumé. Multiply that by 38 million, and you begin to see how Americans really define a life.
A sweeping linguistic analysis of 38 million American obituaries, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that when pressed to define a life, Americans consistently emphasize tradition and benevolence.
Less power and thrills, more casseroles and caretaking.
In other words: no one cares that you were regional manager of the Northeast office—what they remember is that you loved your grandchildren and showed up to every Sunday service.
What Do 38 Million American Obituaries Teach Us About Legacy?
The Myth of Unconditional Love in Marriage
“Unconditional love” has a nice ring at the altar.
It sounds romantic, eternal, and vaguely saintly — as if the mere act of saying I do dissolves all conditions.
But here’s the truth: marital love is not unconditional.
Nor should it be.
The idea of loving a spouse “no matter what” is seductive.
It promises safety, permanence, and a Hollywood ending.
Yet research — and countless divorce filings — tell a different story.
Adult love thrives on reciprocity, trust, and boundaries.
Without those conditions, marriage collapses under the weight of unmet needs and unchecked harm.
Conditional Love: Why Rules, Boundaries, and Expectations Make Relationships Stronger
“Conditional love” has always been cast as the villain in the love story.
It sounds transactional, cold, and about as sexy as a spreadsheet. People assume it means: I’ll love you only if you vacuum, stay thin, and don’t embarrass me at dinner parties.
But here’s the unromantic truth: conditional love is the only kind of love adults actually manage.
Without conditions, marriages don’t become poetic — they become chaotic.
If unconditional love were real, people would be marrying Labradors.
Loyal, forgiving, never asking questions.
But you can’t argue about the mortgage with a Labrador, and that’s where the fantasy collapses.
This is my unapologetic defense of conditional love.
If you still crave the fairy tale of “love no matter what,” I’ve already written its obituary here: The Myth of Unconditional Love in Marriage.
Anti-Natalism: The Bleak Philosophy That Life Isn’t Worth Beginning
David Benatar, the South African philosopher behind Better Never to Have Been (Wikipedia), argues that bringing new people into existence is always wrong.
His case is stark: life inevitably contains suffering, nonexistence contains none, therefore the kindest act is not to procreate.
It’s philosophy as prophylaxis: the only foolproof way to prevent human suffering is to prevent humans. In other words, it has all the nuanced thinking of a Trojan condom.
Past-Life Memories: What Therapists Need to Know About Trauma, Anxiety, and Spirituality
Every so often in practice, a client will look you dead in the eye and say: “This isn’t my first life.”
For most clinicians trained in the U.S., the reflex is to either change the subject or quietly consider an appropriate DSM code.
But a new Brazilian study in The International Journal for the Psychology of Religion suggests we should pause before pathologizing.
Adults who report past-life memories show higher rates of anxiety, depression, and PTSD than the general population.
At the same time, they often report stronger spirituality and—crucially—higher happiness when forgiveness and spiritual coping come into play.
In other words, whether you think reincarnation is real or not, these memories are clinically meaningful.
The River Will Visit, the Blizzard Will Humiliate, the Sky Will Punch: A Cummington Story
Cummington, Massachusetts, is one of those towns people like to call “tucked away.”
Tucked away from what, exactly, is never clear. Presumably, civilization.
But being tucked away does not protect you from the things that really matter—namely, water, snow, and the sky itself deciding to crush you.
For a town of only 800 people, Cummington has three very promising ways to be destroyed: flood, blizzard, or microburst.
Each has already auditioned in nearby towns, which means it’s really only a matter of scheduling before Cummington gets its turn.
What Is Dazi Culture? Why China’s “Activity-Only Friendships” Might Save Us From Ourselves
The word dazi (搭子) comes from Shanghai slang for “card-playing buddy.”
Back then, you sat down, slapped cards on the table, and didn’t necessarily exchange birthdays. Now? The same stripped-down logic applies to almost anything: dinner, karaoke, the gym.
By 2024–2025, dazi had gone viral on Chinese platforms like Xiaohongshu and WeChat.
According to Radii China, young people are openly advertising for “meal dazi” or “travel dazi,” and not pretending it means forever friendship. Researchers now call this “precise companionship”—the opposite of the emotional sinkhole so many of us call “friendship” (China Daily).
Boom Times, Total Burnout: Three Days at Porn’s Self-Help Convention
Amsterdam: city of canals, tulips, and recently a thousand folks explaining how to monetize their genitals in the gig economy.
Europe’s largest pornography conference took over a riverside hotel, which is ordinarily the sort of place where German capitalists meet to discuss their supply chains.
Last week, however, it was flooded with roller skates, sequined bras, and the relentless optimism of people who believe burnout can be solved with branding.
Out in the lobby, two buses of American retirees clutched their tickets for the cheese-and-windmill tour.
They looked on in horror as women in diamanté heels rolled past with ring lights. The retirees will, most likely, never recover.
Spiritual Struggles and Mental Health: Can Belief in Miracles Protect Us?
Many folks have a story about a miracle.
A cancer scan that comes back clear. A loved one surviving an accident against all odds. Or simply making it through a season of life that seemed impossible.
But what does believing in miracles actually do for our mental health?
A new study in Mental Health, Religion & Culture offers an intriguing answer: sometimes, belief in miracles can buffer against depression—but not for everyone, and not in the same way.
The Hidden Currency of Hiring: When “Merit” Secretly Means “Attractive Enough”
My fascination with human behavior at work has caused me to notice how hiring managers love to say, “We only care about qualifications, and hire accordingly.”
It’s a noble sentiment, right up there with “I don’t judge a book by its cover” or “I only eat potato chips in moderation.”
The problem? None of those claims survive contact with real life.
The Naked Return: Why Family Nudism Is Making a Comeback
Most revivals ask you to buy something—vinyl, vintage denim, another “sustainable” hoodie.
Naturism’s pitch is simpler and far more subversive: you already own the outfit. You were born in it, and it still fits.
For decades, clothing has been treated like emotional duct tape: armor against judgment, a billboard for your status, a filter for your insecurities.
The naturist revival suggests something different. The body doesn’t need a disguise. The body is the disguise.
is family nudism becoming a thing?