Why Opening Up by Rick Miller Matters for Male Couples

Thursday, June 26, 2025.

In the world of relationship advice, most books speak in generalities—“partners,” “loved ones,” “communication breakdowns”—as if all relationships follow the same emotional map.

But if you’re in a relationship with another man, you know that map may be drawn quite differently.

That’s where Opening Up: A Communication Workbook for Male Couples by Rick Miller comes in—not just as a workbook, but as a lifeline.

It’s not loud, it’s not flashy, but it is deeply specific, and quietly revolutionary.

Let’s take a closer look at why this book has struck such a chord with therapists, couples, and reviewers alike.

Finally, a Relationship Workbook That Knows What It’s Like

My friend Rick Miller is not just a seasoned therapist.

He’s also a gay man who has spent nearly four decades working with gay and bisexual male clients. And that lived experience matters.

From the very first pages, Opening Up feels like it was written by someone who understands what male couples struggle with—not just at the surface level, but at the roots.

He doesn’t just talk about communication; he talks about the kind of silence that sets in after years of walking on eggshells.

He doesn’t just mention intimacy; he names the particular shame gay men often carry from families, religion, and a culture that taught us to hide.

He also talks about sex.

Not just sex within the couple, but sex beyond the couple—because many gay men do not assume, or even desire, lifelong monogamy.

Opening Up offers couples a structured, emotionally intelligent way to talk about the prospect of opening their relationship to other men—without losing trust, security, or love.

That honesty makes this workbook feel refreshingly real. That’s why I wanted to have a conversation with him about it on my podcast.

Practical Without Being Overtly Clinical

Each section of the workbook includes guided prompts, reflection questions, brief meditations, and conversation starters.

But what’s remarkable is how usable it all feels.

You don’t need a background in therapy. You don’t need to read ten chapters before you can do one exercise. And you don’t need to worry that the questions are secretly designed for straight couples with pronouns swapped in.

Instead, the tone is grounded and warm.

Think of it as a therapist who hands you a flashlight, not a lecture. The questions are designed to get male couples talking in ways that are honest but safe—especially around sensitive areas like sex, money, masculinity, family of origin, and yes, agreements around non-monogamy.

Opening Up doesn’t push couples in any one direction. I was particularly impressed with precisely how Rick navigated those choppy waters.

But it does offer a clear-eyed framework for navigating the conversations that so many male couples avoid until it’s too late.

It helps you put words to the difference between secrecy and transparency, between permission and betrayal, between fantasy and agreement. This is a thoughtful, elegant approach.

What Other Experts Are Saying

The book’s release was met with praise from some of the biggest names in relationship science:

• Stan Tatkin, author of Wired for Love, called it “a groundbreaking, much-needed resource for male couples seeking deeper, more meaningful connections.”

• Terry Real, founder of the Relational Life Institute, praised its emotional range—from “how to take a breath and get a grip” to confronting the weight of homophobic culture.

• Tammy Nelson, author of Open Monogamy, noted how deeply helpful this workbook is not just for gay male couples, but for anyone navigating nontraditional relationship structures with love and clarity.

Even therapists reviewing the book on Amazon note how effective it is at “explaining the basics of couple relationships in terms anyone can understand,” while also addressing nuanced topics like internalized shame, avoidance, and male emotional expression.

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

If you’re looking for deep clinical theory or heavily cited research, this may not be your final destination. Opening Up is not framed in the language of academic models or psychological citations. It doesn’t advertise itself as a replacement for therapy, nor does it pretend to be a cure-all.

But that’s also part of its strength. It’s a starting point—beautifully designed for couples who want to connect more deeply, navigate tough conversations, and build their own relationship model with intention and honesty.

If your relationship is in crisis, you may need more support. But if you're stuck in the land of “We love each other, but we don’t talk like we used to,” or “We’re thinking of opening up, but we don’t know how to talk about it without blowing things up,” Opening Up meets you exactly where you are.

The Bottom Line: It’s Personal. And That’s the Point.

In a market saturated with generic couples workbooks, Opening Up does something rare: it tells male couples, “I see you.”

It honors the emotional terrain of two men building a life together—with all the tenderness, avoidance, desire, doubt, and humor that often goes unnamed in mainstream relationship advice.

And that’s why it works.

Whether you're in year one or year twenty of your relationship, this workbook offers a path back to real conversations.

Not just the logistical ones about groceries and travel plans—but the emotional ones. The brave ones. The ones that help you feel chosen again—even if you're choosing to love with more openness than tradition allows.

Want to Go Deeper?
Pair Opening Up with deeper reads like The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, Open Monogamy by Tammy Nelson, or Polysecure by Jessica Fern.

But start here first—because Rick’s workbook will remind you that your relationship deserves intention, not just endurance

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Downs, A. (2012). The velvet rage: Overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man's world. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Fern, J. (2020). Polysecure: Attachment, trauma and consensual nonmonogamy. Thorntree Press.

Miller, R. (2022). Opening up: A communication workbook for male couples. Smart Psychology Press.

Nelson, T. (2021). Open monogamy: A guide to co-creating your ideal relationship agreement. Sounds True.

Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner's brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications.