Marriage and Family in the Age of the Feed

Friday, October 31, 2025. This is for my granddaughter Mika.

To be loved is to be seen — not watched.

We used to whisper our marriages into each other’s ears.
Now we broadcast them to strangers and call it connection.

A client told me recently, “Our marriage is fine—until I open my phone.”
The algorithm, she meant, has become a third partner in the relationship—seductive, judgmental, and always awake.

It knows what kind of spouse you should be, what kind of house you should own, and which couple on TikTok has already out-loved you.

Once upon a time, privacy was romantic. Now it’s suspicious.

The Tradwife Revival: Nostalgia with a Ring Light

On TikTok, the “tradwife” bakes bread under soft lighting, quoting Corinthians between camera angles. Her kitchen glows. Her husband beams. Everything hums with moral certainty.

According to The Washington Post, the trend fuses “femininity with anti-feminist ideas.” It’s nostalgia with sponsored links.

What draws people in is order.

When the world feels unstructured, hierarchy looks soothing and coherent. But couples who chase that calm often discover that “peace” means “I’m exhausted, but it photographs well.”

The Tradwife Aesthetic is a sort of domestic nostalgia concealing new forms of control.

Half a century ago, Christopher Lasch warned that when identity falters, folks become performative. He didn’t live in the time of Instagram, but he would have recognized this shit instantly.

The Authenticity Gap: Love, Filtered

A Zola survey found that 91% of couples say social media inspires them, yet nearly half feel inadequate because of it. That isn’t inspiration; it’s measurement.

Couples used to compare themselves to their parents. Now they compare themselves to “couple content”—perpetually grateful, perpetually glowing.

In therapy, I call this The Instagram Triangulation: the silent observer that joins every marriage.

Anxious partners scroll for reassurance. Avoidant ones scroll to disappear.
And the algorithm wins either way.

Erich Fromm wrote that love is an act, not a feeling. Online, it’s become a filter—smooth, saturated, endlessly looped.

Sharenting: The Children Have Entered the Chat

“Everyone posts their kids,” one parent tells me.
“Yes,” says the other, “but everyone isn’t us.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics has warned about “sharenting” for a decade. It’s less about vanity than validation: proof that you’re doing parenthood correctly.

Every upload erodes a little privacy, a little presence. The faint blue glow of a phone between two sleeping bodies says more about modern intimacy than any statistic.

Living Apart, Together: Marriage with Elbow Room

Elsewhere, couples are redesigning commitment. The Living Apart Together model—partners with separate homes but one relationship—has quietly become, for some, an emblem of sanity.

One client said, “We realized we fight less when we miss each other more.”
That’s not necessarily detachment; it’s an emerging cultural design. Love as architecture, not confinement.

The Algorithm and the Marriage

The algorithm doesn’t just predict your interests—it also predicts your envy.

Therapists call it emotional contagion: the more smiling couples you see, the more you feel you’re underperforming at happiness.

A 2024 study linked excessive social-media use to lower marital satisfaction and higher conflict. Another found that “problematic use” increases distress across entire family systems.

It seems that the more you live online, the less bandwidth you have left for love. Your bestowed attention becomes thinner.

Parasocial Love and the Delulu Era

Millions now follow influencer couples with devotional precision. They are another manifestation of the profound power of parasocial relationships—one-sided intimacies, seemingly sans risk.

Gen Z even jokes about being “delulu,” short for delusionally optimistic that their lives will one day resemble the feed. But marriage isn’t a manifestation exercise. It’s a long conversation, occasionally interrupted by dishes.

Therapist’s Chair: Escaping the Feed

When couples come to me feeling invisible to each other, I ask them to describe their relationship without adjectives—no “happy,” “fine,” or “toxic.” Just actions.

What did you do this week that said love?

Usually there’s a pause. Then someone remembers: the coffee waiting, the apology offered, the silence kept. Presence and bestowed attention aren’t photogenic, but they are quite neuro-persuasive.

If you want to save a marriage in 2025, reclaim your bestowed attention. It’s the only currency still accepted everywhere.

How Social Media Rewrites the Marriage Script

Social media hasn’t ruined intimacy; it’s rewritten the script.

Public affection has replaced private repair. Family life is curated like a brand. We call it “sharing,” but often it means “showing.”

Couples who treat their digital life like their finances—budgeted, negotiated, occasionally unplugged—tend to last longer. Love isn’t anti-technology; it just doesn’t tend to thrive under surveillance.

FAQs

Is it unhealthy to post about your relationship or family?
Not necessarily. But if every tender moment ends up online, you may be feeding the algorithm more than the relationship.

What if my partner posts more than I’m comfortable with?
Set digital boundaries the way you’d set financial ones: explicitly, early, and with care. Privacy is respect, not secrecy.

Can social media strengthen a marriage?
Yes—when it supports rather than replaces presence and bestowed attention. Sharing gratitude builds connection. Curating perfection erodes it.

Final Thoughts

I’m just gonna say it. The most radical act of love today is privacy.

Social media didn’t destroy the family; it just made it harder to fake one. The feed amplifies whatever already exists—tenderness, resentment, boredom—and sells it back to us with better lighting.

The real wedding album has smudged pages and no captions. The stories we tell ourselves are more sacred than this.
Perhaps love will survive the algorithm. It always has. So far.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Andreassen, C. S., et al. (2023). Social media addiction and marital adjustment: A comparative study. International Journal of Social Sciences & Research, __, –.

Nguyen, M. A. (2024). The association between social media use and romantic relationship outcomes: Mediators and moderators. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, __, –.

Procentese, F., Gatti, F., & Di Napoli, I. (2024). Families and social media use: The role of parents’ perceptions about social media impact on family systems. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(24), 5006.

Richards, D., Caldwell, P. H., & Go, H. (2015). Impact of social media on children, adolescents, and families. Pediatrics,127(4), 800-804.

“The impact of social media use on mental health and family functioning in Saudi Arabia.” (2024). JMIR Formative Research, 8, e44923. https://doi.org/10.2196/44923