Why Men and Women Secretly Envy Each Other—and the New Kind of Envy Nobody Saw Coming

Monday, December 2, 2024.

Ever wish you could trade places with someone of the opposite sex, even for a day? Turns out, you're not alone.

A new study published in Frontiers in Psychology unpacks the age-old question of what men and women envy in each other.

It's not just about the grass being greener—it's also about wishing the other side had a few more weeds.

The research, led by Michaela Krakovská and her team at the University of Ostrava, dives deep into envy across the gender divide and even unveils a brand-new flavor of envy: "ablative envy."

Think of it as the reverse Uno card of envy—wishing you didn't have to deal with something the other side doesn’t either.

What Are We Envious About?

• Women’s Perspective:
  Ladies are eyeing men’s higher salaries, career ladders without glass ceilings, and the ultimate luxury—freedom from periods, childbirth, and menopause.

  Who wouldn't want to skip those delightful monthly reminders that biology can be brutal?

  Oh, and don’t forget the envy of a "carefree" existence—picture lounging without societal judgment for skipping housework or childcare duties.

• Men’s Perspective:
  Gentlemen, on the other hand, are captivated by women’s beauty, charm, and ability to use these traits as social currency.

  Motherhood—a role men can't replicate—also hits the envy radar, as does women’s knack for multitasking. Meanwhile, men wouldn’t mind borrowing some of the emotional openness society allows women.

The Science of "The Grass Is Greener"

The researchers surveyed 1,769 Czech participants aged 15 and up, asking one deceptively simple question: "What do you envy in the other sex?" The answers were boiled down into three juicy categories: societal advantages, physicality, and psychological traits.

• Societal Perks: Women envy men’s social privileges, while men admire how women’s physical attractiveness often opens doors.

• Biology’s Blessings (and Curses): Women wouldn’t mind swapping menstruation and menopause for men’s muscle mass and lower-maintenance aging. Men envy the life-creating magic of women, though they’d pass on the pregnancy part.

• Mind Games: Men wish for women’s multitasking wizardry, while women eye men’s emotional stability with a mix of awe and irritation.

Enter: Ablative Envy

Here’s where it gets interesting.

Ablative envy isn't about wanting what the other sex has—it’s about wanting to lose something they never had in the first place. Women envy men for their blissful ignorance of cramps and childbirth, while men envy women’s freedom from the pressure to "man up" emotionally.

Dr. Krakovská notes, “Ablative envy reflects a desire for life’s rough edges to be smoothed over. It’s not about gaining an edge—it’s about evening the playing field.”

Are We All Really This Jealous?

Actually, not so much.

Over 42% of women and 56% of men reported not envying the other sex at all. So while envy plays a starring role in gender dynamics, many people have embraced the differences—or at least made peace with them.

What’s Next?

The study authors are already planning follow-ups in culturally diverse settings like Portugal, Yemen, and Northern Macedonia.

They're on a mission to untangle how culture, psychology and society shape gender envy and its ripple effects on relationships and social cohesion. After all, envy isn’t just a petty feeling—it’s a window into deeper inequalities, expectations, and frustrations simmering below the surface.

Dr. Krakovská and her team are also delving into the practical side of things, exploring ways to prevent envy from spiraling into resentment, hostility, or worse, full-on gender wars. By understanding envy’s roots—whether it’s tied to societal pressures, self-esteem, or perceived injustices—they hope to develop interventions that foster empathy instead of animosity.

Why Should You Care?

Because envy isn’t just about wishing you had a bigger paycheck or better multitasking skills—it’s a mirror reflecting broader societal dynamics.

Understanding gender envy can help us navigate tricky conversations, challenge stereotypes, and create a more equitable world where we appreciate differences without wishing we could trade places.

Plus, let’s face it: wouldn’t it be great if men and women could stop envying each other’s lives and just enjoy their own? If nothing else, we can all agree that a world without ablative envy—or at least without menstrual cramps—sounds pretty appealing.

The Takeaway

This research doesn’t just shed light on envy—it spotlights the complex interplay of biology, society, and psychology in shaping how men and women see each other.

It’s a reminder that while the grass may seem greener on the other side, it’s worth watering your own lawn—or at least appreciating the weeds for what they are.

So next time you catch yourself envying the opposite sex, pause and reflect: is it about wanting what they have, or ditching something you wish you didn’t? Either way, we’re all in this quirky, envy-filled human experience together.

The study, “What Do Men and Women Envy Each Other For?” was authored by Tereza Kimplová, Michaela Krakovská, Radim Badošek, and Panajotis Cakirpaloglu. Keep an eye out for their future findings—they might just answer the age-old question: Can men and women truly understand each other? Or at least stop envying each other’s lives?

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.