The Personality of the Perpetually Single: What the Big Five Reveal About Lifelong Solo Acts
Thursday, July 3, 2025.
By 2023, half of America was flying solo. And not just metaphorically.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 46.4% of American adults were single.
A record-breaking number—32% of women and 37% of men—had never married. That’s not just a blip. It’s a demographic moonwalk away from the altar.
So who are these long-term solo dwellers?
Are they independent spirits with excellent taste in throw pillows? Or is there something—psychologically speaking—that separates the coupled from the contentedly (or not-so-contentedly) uncoupled?
Turns out, personality may be part of the story.
New Research: The Big Five Traits of the Lifelong Single
A 2023 study published in Psychological Science analyzed over 77,000 adults age 50+ across 27 European countries and Israel. This wasn’t speed dating. This was science.
The researchers used the Big Five personality model, a framework as old as disco and as enduring as taxes. Here’s a quick refresher:
Openness: Curiosity, creativity, and a willingness to try spicy food.
Conscientiousness: Reliability, organization, and remembering to pick someone up at the airport.
Extraversion: Social energy, talkativeness, and an ability to survive weddings.
Agreeableness: Cooperation, kindness, and saying “bless you” without resentment.
Neuroticism: Emotional volatility, anxiety, and fear that your partner is mad because they used a period in their text.
What They Found: Lower Scores in Key Traits
Compared to people who had been in committed relationships, lifelong singles scored:
Lower in Extraversion
Lower in Conscientiousness
Lower in Openness
Slightly higher in Neuroticism (although not statistically significant)
Lower in Life Satisfaction
The gap wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was fairly consistent.
Lifelong singles were, on average, less outgoing, less organized, and less curious. They also reported feeling slightly less satisfied with their lives.
Importantly, people who simply never married—but may have had partners—looked psychologically similar to lifelong singles.
Slightly more extraverted, yes.
But still, not exactly running toward commitment like it’s a flash sale on meaningful eye contact.
Is the Rise of Singledom Changing the Rules?
Enter Gen Z, the generation that invented the “situationship”—a bond somewhere between romance and bureaucracy. It's not friendship. It's not dating. It’s texting at 2 a.m. and pretending not to care.
CNN’s Sara Forastieri Vicente described it as:
“More than a friendship but less than a committed relationship… We’ve created our own small world in this vast universe of romance and love.”
That small world, however, might come with a tradeoff.
The question no one really wants to ask: If you avoid commitment long enough, does your personality start to calcify into something less curious, less open, and—well—less happy?
The answer: maybe. But slowly. And not necessarily.
Chicken, Egg, or Just an Awkward Dinner?
This research can’t tell us whether people are single because of their personalities—or if singlehood shapes their personalities over time. (It’s the classic romantic feedback loop: Do I avoid commitment because I’m anxious, or am I anxious because I’ve spent 15 years eating pad thai alone on Valentine’s Day?)
Personality is relatively stable across the lifespan.
But it’s not set in stone.
Relationships, especially long-term ones, tend to nudge people into becoming more responsible, more open, and more extroverted—even if it’s just from being dragged to brunch.
Generational Shifts: Why the Data Might Not Predict the Future
The study focused on older adults—people more likely to be single “on purpose” rather than due to delayed timelines. But the authors acknowledge that the meaning of singlehood is changing.
Younger generations—particularly Millennials and Gen Z—are:
Less likely to equate happiness with marriage
More likely to choose alternative relationship structures
More accepting of long-term solo living
So while the data tells us something about yesterday’s lifelong singles, it might not tell us much about tomorrow’s.
As the researchers said:
“More recent cohorts likely differ from older cohorts in norms and acceptance of singlehood, given that the importance of marriage for well-being is declining… and that younger cohorts report lower importance of partnership for happiness.”
In other words: Don’t panic, Gen Z. Your meme-laced, commitment-averse lifestyle might just be version 2.0 of emotional maturity.
Or it might be loneliness in a clever disguise. Either way, it’s your mess to curate.
Final Thought: You, a Park Bench, and the Cosmos
So what does it all mean?
If you’re sitting alone on a park bench, watching the wind tangle the leaves and wondering if you missed the boat—don’t despair.
Personality isn't destiny. And besides, boats are overrated. They leak. They demand co-captains. They require constant maintenance.
But it’s worth asking: Am I single because I want to be? Or because I didn’t know what else to do?
Either way, that’s a question only you can answer.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Specht, J., Luhmann, M., Denissen, J. J. A., & Lucas, R. E. (2023). Personality traits of lifelong singles: Evidence from 27 countries. Psychological Science, 34(2), 213–226. https://doi.org/10.1177/09567976221145865
U.S. Census Bureau. (2023). Census data on marital status and living arrangements. https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/families/marital.html
Vicente, S. F. (2023, July 24). Gen Z's situationships are redefining romance. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/24/health/gen-z-situationships-wellness/index.html