The ever-evolving American family: Marriage, divorce, and everything in between

Monday, July 22, 2024.

American families have changed a lot since the 1950s, sparking debates among scholars, politicians, and the public.

Let’s dive into the most pressing issues facing U.S. families today, armed with the latest social science evidence.

Cohabitation: The Test Drive Before Marriage

Cohabitation, or living together without being married, is increasingly common. About 6 million opposite-sex couples are cohabiting, which is about 10% of all opposite-sex couples living together. Getting married is becoming old hat.

However, these relationships tend to be short-lived, usually ending in marriage or breakup within two years. Interestingly, couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce.

This irony might stem from a lack of commitment to the idea of marriage or changes in the relationship dynamics during cohabitation.

Cohabiting adults are generally happier than those living alone, but less so than married folks.

Children of cohabiting parents often fare worse academically and emotionally compared to those with married parents. The reasons are not entirely clear but could be related to the stability and resources that marriage provides.

It would be nice if marriage became popular again, but too many thought leaders are pretending that committed relationships equals marriage.

It’s a lie. Marriage beats cohabitation for relationship satisfaction in every major study.

It may be wildly unpopular, and politically incorrect, but there it is. Marriage is better that living together.

Divorce: The Great Split

The U.S. boasts the highest divorce rate in the industrialized world. The divorce rate has fluctuated, spiking during the Great Depression and World War II, then rising sharply in the 1960s and 1970s. Despite a slight decline, about 40-50% of marriages today end in divorce.

Economic independence among women and changing societal attitudes have made divorce more common.

Legal changes, like no-fault divorce laws, also played a role. Age and social class are significant factors; younger couples and those with fewer resources are more likely to divorce.

Divorce's impact varies. Economically, it often plunges women into poverty.

Psychologically, divorced spouses might struggle initially but often improve over time, especially if their marriage was highly contentious.

Children of divorced parents often face academic and behavioral challenges, but they can fare better if the divorce ends their ring-side seat to high parental conflict.

Working mothers and daycare: balancing act

More mothers are working outside the home, which has sparked debates about the impact on young children.

Research shows that kids in high-quality daycare develop better cognitive skills but might exhibit slightly more aggressive behavior, which is still within normal ranges. Quality parenting and high-quality daycare are crucial for positive child development.

Racial and ethnic diversity in families

American families display significant racial and ethnic diversity.

Latino, Asian American, and Native American families often have strong extended family bonds that provide support against economic and racial challenges.

African American families face unique challenges, with high rates of single-parent households often linked to historical and systemic issues.

Family Violence: The Hidden Crisis

Family violence, including intimate partner violence and child abuse, remains a significant issue. Intimate partner violence is more common in poor families and often involves men abusing women.

Cultural myths and economic inequality contribute to this violence.

Let’s be frank. Child abuse is also widespread, with estimates suggesting at least 800,000 kids are abused or neglected annually in the U.S. The true number is likely higher due to underreporting. Abuse leads to long-term psychological and behavioral problems for children.

Key Takeaways

• Cohabitation: Short-term, higher divorce risk, less happy than married but happier than single.

• Divorce: Unfortunately, divorce is a robust part of American life. It usually impacts women economically, and children academically and emotionally, but it can be beneficial in high-conflict marriages. Research is clear, divorce is preferable to fighting in front of your kids.

• Working Mothers and Daycare: High-quality daycare is a beneficial developmental assist, but parenting quality is what matters most.

• Racial and Ethnic Diversity: Strong family bonds are found in minority communities, but systemic issues affect family structures.

• Family Violence: Unfortunately, driven by inequality and cultural myths, domestic violence has serious long-term effects on children.

Final thoughts

Understanding the complexities of relationships, marriage, divorce, and child-rearing is crucial in navigating the ever-evolving landscape of American family life.

The modern family faces unique challenges, from the dynamics of cohabitation and the impacts of divorce to the nuances of racial and ethnic diversity and the harsh realities of family violence.

As a science-based couples therapist, it's essential to provide compassionate, evidence-based support to help families thrive.

By fostering open communication, empathy, and resilience, we can guide families through their struggles, helping them build stronger, healthier relationships during historically uncertain times.

Whether grappling with the challenges of single parenthood, balancing work and childcare, or addressing the impacts of cohabitation and divorce, our goal as science and research-based couples therapists is to empower families with the tools and understanding they need to navigate their unique journeys.

Remember, every family is different, but with the right support and a commitment to growth, all families can find their particular path to greater happiness and well-being.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.