Shared Power, Better Sex: Why Equality in Marriage Fuels Passion
Wednesday, October 8, 2025. This is for Karina and Sean.
Forget lingerie. The real aphrodisiac is compromise.
A new study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that when couples share power — yes, even in the boring stuff like deciding who does the laundry or which show to binge — their sex lives get hotter.
Balance the chores, balance the passion. Equality outside the bedroom translates to enthusiasm inside it.
And in 2025, that feels radical.
We live in a world where people Venmo their spouse for rent but won’t talk about desire.
Where TikTok feeds are filled with couples arguing over thermostats while Reddit threads read like divorce prequels.
Against that backdrop, research says the couples who share influence don’t just fight less — they love better.
Shared Power, Better Sex: Why Equality in Marriage Fuels Passion
Forget lingerie. The real aphrodisiac is compromise.
A new study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that when couples share power — yes, even in the boring stuff like deciding who does the laundry or which show to binge — their sex lives get hotter.
Balance the chores, balance the passion. Equality outside the bedroom translates to enthusiasm inside it.
And in 2025, that feels radical.
We live in a world where people Venmo their spouse for rent but won’t talk about desire. Where TikTok feeds are filled with couples arguing over thermostats while Reddit threads read like divorce prequels.
Against that backdrop, research says the couples who share influence don’t just fight less — they love better.
Sex, but Make It Democratic
The study, led by Ashley Forbush at the University of Texas, draws on self-determination theory: people thrive when they feel in control of their own choices, not when they’re strong-armed. Apply that to marriage, and suddenly “shared power” isn’t dull sociology — it’s foreplay.
Researchers distinguished between two flavors of passion:
Harmonious Passion: sex that fits your life and feels good, not compulsory.
Inhibited Passion: sex you want but don’t feel free enough to pursue.
It turns out that if you don’t feel heard about where to put the sofa, you’re less likely to feel free about what happens on it.
A Mini Vignette
Picture this: she picks the vacation destination, he chooses the rental car. They argue mildly about which beach umbrella to buy, but later that night, they’re more in sync than ever. The researchers would call this “shared power.” Your grandmother might call it “finally raising him right.”
The Long Game: Data from 1,668 Newlyweds
Nearly 1,700 newly married heterosexual couples were surveyed over three years. Questions ranged from household problem-solving (“Does your partner hear you out?”) to sexual dynamics (“Do you feel your desires belong in this relationship?”).
The results:
More shared power = more harmonious passion.
More shared power = less inhibited passion.
And the benefits lasted years, not just during the honeymoon haze.
Even better, it spilled over: when one partner felt the relationship was fair, the other reported more passion too. Trickledown economics may fail the economy, but in bed, trickledown desire is alive and well.
Quick Takeaways for Couples
Listen first, argue later. Desire grows where voices are heard.
Share the small stuff. Divide dinner choices before mortgages.
Control kills passion, balance fuels it. Hoarding power is the least sexy move in marriage.
The Shared Power Self-Check
Ask yourself three quick questions:
Do I feel my voice matters equally in our decisions?
Does my partner actively seek my perspective?
Do small compromises feel respected, not resented?
If you answered “no” more than once, odds are your sex life could use a little democratic reform.
New Angles from 2024–25
Recent studies complicate the picture.
Birnbaum et al. (2024) found that when someone perceives themselves as more powerful and higher “mate value” than their partner, it can fuel interest in other partners. Translation: unchecked power can send you scrolling for greener pastures.
Meanwhile, Wasson et al. (2024) showed that sexual communication motivations matter: couples who openly talk about desire have healthier outcomes than those who avoid it.
And Perrier Léonard (2025) confirmed that intimacy markers like emotional closeness and responsiveness buffer sexual well-being, even in couples facing dysfunction. In other words: power helps, but intimacy and communication keep it from curdling.
FAQs: Fighting Fair in the Bedroom
What is shared power in a relationship, and how does it affect sex?
Shared power means both partners feel heard, valued, and able to influence decisions. Research shows that when couples share power, they report more harmonious sexual passion and less inhibition.
Does power imbalance ever harm sexual desire?
Yes. When perceptions of power skew too far, they may fuel interest in alternative partners (Birnbaum et al., 2024).
Can better sexual communication mediate the effect of power on intimacy?
Absolutely. Wasson et al. (2024) show that open communication about sex leads to healthier outcomes, reinforcing the benefits of power-sharing.
Is shared power equally important for men and women?
In the Forbush et al. study, both husbands and wives benefitted equally.
Can these findings apply to longer marriages or non-heterosexual couples?
Caution: the Forbush study included only newly married heterosexual couples. Future work may expand to longer marriages and diverse couples.
Closing Remarks
So the next time your partner asks where to order dinner, remember: this is foreplay.
The research is clear — power shared is passion sparked. Listen, compromise, and maybe stop pretending you don’t care about paint colors.
It’s not just about the sofa or the thermostat; it’s about whether either of you actually wants to use the sofa later.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Birnbaum, G. E., Reis, H. T., Mizrahi, M., & Safir, M. P. (2024). The power to flirt: Power within romantic relationships and its contribution to expressions of extradyadic desire. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 53(4), 983–996. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02997-0
Forbush, A., Busby, D., Yorgason, J., & Holmes, E. (2024). Power and passion: An exploration of the relationship between marital power processes and sexual passion styles. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075251350075
Perrier Léonard, S., Rosen, N. O., & Bergeron, S. (2025). Intimacy and sexual well-being in couples coping with sexual dysfunction: A dyadic daily experience study. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 22(7), 1093–1107. https://doi.org/10.1093/jsxmed/qfae048
Wasson, R. S., Ruppel, E. K., & Rosenfeld, M. J. (2024). Motivations for sexual communication: Exploring links with sexual and relational outcomes. Journal of Sex Research, 61(3), 311–322. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2332102