Reminiscence Therapy: A Neuroscientific Approach to Strengthening Relationships

Friday, November 8, 2024.

I never thought I have a reason to mention this, but some thought leaders in mental health can be remarkably petty and vain.

I remember the bickering between the founders of Narrative and Solution-Focused therapy quibbling about the nuance of meanings of how they used the term “externalization.”

The reality is that they both intellectually shoplifted this wonderful tool from the thought leaders who developed play therapy with children.

Which brings me to Reminiscence Therapy.

Originally developed to help dementia patients reconnect with their sense of self, Reminiscence Therapy suggests that accessing emotionally charged memories stimulates brain regions associated with happiness, calm, and self-identity.

Researchers such as Dr. Robert Butler (who coined the concept of “life review”) and Dr. Tom Kitwood (pioneering person-centered care in dementia) demonstrated that revisiting meaningful memories fosters not just personal well-being but also a sense of connection with others.

In couples therapy, Reminiscence Therapy might tap into these benefits to enhance relationship satisfaction.

The neuroscience is clear: recalling positive, shared memories activates brain regions linked to emotional attachment and reward.

For couples therapy, this means that revisiting their relationship’s history could potentially “light up” neural pathways that reinforce emotional bonds, ultimately creating a stronger, more resilient partnership.

Ideas for how Reminiscence Therapy Interventions could be used in Couples Therapy

Therapists could use reminiscence-inspired interventions in couples therapy to reinforce connection, empathy, and resilience. Here’s how:

  • “Firsts” Exploration: By guiding couples to recall their relationship “firsts”—like their first date, first vacation, or first “I love you”—therapists activate the brain’s reward centers tied to joy and novelty. This intervention rekindles dopamine release, helping couples re-experience the excitement of early days. Research suggests that recalling these positive memories can also counterbalance the “negativity bias” often seen in long-term relationships (Pasupathi, 2015).

  • Creating a Relationship Narrative: Reminiscence therapy’s structured storytelling, inspired by life-review techniques from dementia care, might help couples develop a co-authored narrative.

    In the Gottman Relationship and problem History Interview, couples are encouraged to tell their story in chapters: how they met, key turning points, and shared life achievements.

    This narrative fosters security by engaging the hippocampus, the brain region responsible for memory integration (Cohen, 2006). Applied neuroscience leads to delightful interventions such as crafting a “relationship book.” A homemade investment of both time and attention, it not only serves as a nostalgic keepsake but reinforces the sense of a shared history and commitment.

  • Reflecting on Past Conflicts and Growth: One of the more innovative aspects of reminiscence therapy in couples therapy is “conflict reminiscence.” Instead of focusing only on the highs, this approach invites couples to reflect on arguments or difficult periods they overcame together.

    Studies indicate that positively re-evaluating past struggles strengthens resilience and appreciation (Levenson & Gottman, 2003). Through conflict reminiscence, couples could concievably see their growth over time, reinforcing mutual respect and understanding. This is closely related to my idea of conducted “fight autopsies.”

  • Sensory Cues to Evoke Shared Memories: Borrowing from dementia interventions, therapists may use sensory cues—such as music, scents, or photographs—to trigger specific memories.

    For example, a song from a couple’s wedding or a perfume associated with a first date can evoke a flood of positive feelings. Neuroscience shows that sensory cues activate the brain’s limbic system, the emotional center, which is highly responsive to familiar sensory stimuli.

    Music, in particular, has been shown to stimulate autobiographical memory retrieval, leading to bonding and enhanced mood (Janata, 2009).

  • Expressing Gratitude Through Memory: Building on reminiscence therapy’s gratitude emphasis, therapists might guide couples to share memories where they felt grateful for each other’s support.

  • This intervention could be especially impactful during moments of vulnerability, such as illness or job loss.

  • Research highlights that expressing gratitude is correlated with higher satisfaction and resilience in relationships, as it activates empathy and compassion circuits in the brain (Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008). Sharing these moments as a couple nurtures a deeper appreciation, creating a protective “bank” of positive feelings that can buffer future conflicts.

Why Reminiscence Therapy Could Work for Couples: A Neuroscience Perspective

Reminiscence therapy could benefit couples by activating multiple brain areas involved in emotional bonding, memory, and empathy.

Positive memory recall lights up the reward centers in the brain, releasing dopamine and oxytocin, the “bonding hormone.” These chemicals reinforce feelings of affection and connection, which is particularly helpful for couples who may be struggling with conflict or feeling emotionally disconnected.

The brain’s limbic system, particularly the hippocampus and amygdala, is heavily engaged when recalling emotionally significant memories. The hippocampus consolidates these memories, weaving them into a cohesive narrative that strengthens a couple’s sense of “we” and “us.”

Meanwhile, the amygdala helps regulate the emotional response to these memories, allowing couples to feel emotionally safe while reminiscing.

Couples who actively practice reminiscence therapy are, in essence, training their brains to focus on shared positive experiences rather than potential sources of resentment. This can counteract the natural tendency toward a negativity bias in relationships, helping partners remember their bond as a source of joy and strength.

The Thought Leaders in Reminiscence Therapy

Reminiscence therapy, as applied in dementia care, was developed from the pioneering work of Dr. Robert Butler, who promoted “life review” as a tool for integrating life experiences.

Dr. Tom Kitwood’s person-centered approach, which honors each person’s unique history and identity, has also influenced reminiscence therapy applications.

In couples therapy, renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman advocates for couples to cultivate a “fondness and admiration” system, a concept that complements reminiscence therapy by encouraging couples to focus on their positive shared history.

Another notable contributor, Dr. Gene Cohen, emphasized the role of creativity in reminiscence and memory, suggesting that engaging in these memory-based activities fosters “wisdom growth.” Cohen’s insights are profound, and support my idea that memory exploration helps couples build emotional depth and resilience.

Final Thoughts: The Power of Memory in Relationships

By bringing reminiscence therapy into couples therapy, therapists can help partners reconnect not just emotionally but neurologically. Reminiscence therapy invites couples to re-experience the laughter, achievements, and growth that initially drew them together.

In a fast-paced world that often emphasizes moving forward, looking back can be the key to nurturing a lasting and resilient bond.

As research shows, revisiting the past together can remind couples why they chose each other in the first place, helping them face future challenges as a team.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Algoe, S. B., Haidt, J., & Gable, S. L. (2008). Beyond reciprocity: Gratitude and relationships in everyday life. Emotion, 8(3), 425–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/1528-3542.8.3.425

Butler, R. N. (1963). Life review: An interpretation of reminiscence in the aged. Psychiatry, 26(1), 65–76. https://doi.org/10.1080/00332747.1963.11023339

Cohen, G. D. (2006). Research on creativity and aging: The positive impact of the arts on health and illness. Generations, 30(1), 7–15.

Janata, P. (2009). The neural architecture of music-evoked autobiographical memories. Cerebral Cortex, 19(11), 2579–2594. https://doi.org/10.1093/cercor/bhp008

Kitwood, T. (1997). Dementia reconsidered: The person comes first. Open University Press.

Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. M. (2003). Marital interaction and physiology: Linking mechanisms of emotional behavior and physical health. Health Psychology, 22(5), 443–452. https://doi.org/10.1037/0278-6133.22.5.443

Pasupathi, M. (2015). Remembering as a social process. In K. Markman, W. Klein, & J. Suhr (Eds.), Handbook of imagination and mental simulation (pp. 177-186). Psychology Press.

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