Polyamory Burnout and Exit Stories: Why People Are Leaving Open Relationships in 2025
Monday, March 24, 2025.
So far in 2025, these specific search queries are on the rise:
“Why I left polyamory”
“Poly burnout symptoms”
“Can polyamory cause emotional exhaustion?”
As more people explore ethical non-monogamy, another trend is quietly gaining momentum: polyamory burnout.
In forums like Reddit’s r/polyamory and confessionals across Medium and TikTok, people are beginning to share their polyamory exit stories—a new phase of visibility for a movement that once promised boundless love and emotional liberation.
This post explores polyamory burnout from the inside, through the story of a composite therapy client named Mirelle.
Her emotional exhaustion, identity fatigue, and eventual return to monogamy illustrate a broader phenomenon emerging in 2025.
We’ll look at current research, poly burnout symptoms, and why many are stepping back from polyamorous relationships without shame or regret.
What Is Polyamory Burnout?
Polyamory burnout is a form of emotional exhaustion that can arise from sustained engagement in multiple intimate relationships. It’s not officially recognized in the DSM, but therapists and researchers are beginning to observe common symptoms:
Chronic emotional fatigue from relationship processing
Decision fatigue from constant negotiation
Feelings of failure or poly guilt
Shame over jealousy or the desire for exclusivity
Burnout from emotional labor overload
Mirelle, a 36-year-old art teacher in Portland, described it this way:
“It started as liberation. But after three years, it felt like love had become my part-time job—except the hours were irregular, and the HR department was my Notes app.”
Mirelle’s Story: From Polyamory Enthusiast to Burnout Survivor
When Mirelle first entered therapy, she was juggling four relationships and one group chat called “The Constellation.”
She identified as relationship anarchist and had read every modern polyamory classic: The Ethical Slut, More Than Two, and even the obscure Dutch blog posts that romanticize kitchen table polyamory.
She believed in abundance. She didn’t believe in ownership. She had developed scripts to deprogram jealousy and spreadsheets to coordinate date nights and STI testing schedules.
But over time, things changed.
“I realized I was spending more time talking about love than feeling loved,” she said. “Every partner had needs. Everyone needed processing. And I had nothing left for myself.”
What Does the Research Say About Polyamory Burnout?
Despite the growing number of polyamory exit stories, academic research still mostly highlights the strengths of consensual non-monogamy (CNM):
CNM relationships can have similar or greater levels of honesty and satisfaction than monogamous ones (Conley et al., 2013).
People in polyamorous relationships often report more sexual variety and autonomy (Rubel & Bogaert, 2015).
Google Trends show a steady rise in interest in polyamory since 2016 (Moors, 2017).
However, the data has a blind spot: long-term emotional cost, and ongoing emotional labor.
A more recent 2021 study noted the lack of research into poly burnout and identity conflict when people leave the lifestyle (Flicker, Flynn, & Maiuri, 2021). I’ve always maintained that the poly research was incomplete and smelled a bit like warmed-over advocacy, and the worst sort of trend-chasing.
While CNM advocates often focus on stigma from outside the community, many former poly enthusiasts describe internalized shame for wanting a simpler, more bounded emotional life.
Why People Are Leaving Polyamory in 2025
There are a few consistent reasons why people like Mirelle are deciding to step back:
Cognitive and Emotional Overload
Love may be infinite, but executive function is not. When each partner requires emotional labor, conflict resolution, and reassurance, the burden can outweigh the joy.
Conflict Avoidance Fatigue
Polyamory is marketed as communication-heavy. But constant emotional negotiation without resolution can lead to avoidance, self-abandonment, or emotional withdrawal.
Desire for Containment
Some people, especially after trauma or ADHD diagnosis, discover that they feel safest with a single partner and fewer emotional variables.
Exit Guilt
There’s often a deep shame in leaving polyamory, especially when the lifestyle is tied to personal values like anti-capitalism, anti-possessiveness, or queer identity. Many fear losing not only lovers, but community.
Mirelle’s Exit Strategy: Choosing Simplicity Without Shame
Mirelle didn’t exit in flames. There was no breakup manifesto or poly “deconversion” TikTok. She simply stopped initiating new partnerships and focused on one.
She told me:
“I didn’t leave polyamory because I was jealous or broken. I left because I was tired of being tired. I just wanted to be loved by one person without a calendar invite.”
And here’s the key: she didn’t fail. She evolved.
Leaving polyamory wasn’t giving up on love—it was a way of rediscovering her own capacity to feel it again.
How to Recover from Polyamory Burnout
If you’re resonating with Mirelle’s story, here are a few first steps to consider:
Allow Yourself Permission to Pause without needing to “break up with” an identity.
Reflect on Your Needs, not just your values. What makes you feel safe? Seen? Rested?
Talk With a Therapist who understands CNM but also honors your autonomy in choosing monogamy (or solitude).
Don’t Burn Bridges. Exit conversations can be compassionate and honest. Friends tend to remain. Kindness abounds in the Poly community.
Reconnect With Your Own Center. Consider journaling, solo retreats, or therapy focused on identity reconstruction.
Final Thought: Polyamory Isn’t a Religion
You’re not excommunicated for choosing a different way to love.
And you’re not broken for needing a little less intimacy with a few more boundaries.
The truth is, polyamory doesn’t work for everyone all the time—and that’s okay. Even the most well-intentioned, forest-witch pagan may need a respite from taking lovers.
You can take a break from polyamory with grace, and without apology. No one should make you feel bad for doing so.
And you’ll be in very good company.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Ziegler, A. (2013). The fewer the merrier? Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 13(1), 1–30. https://doi.org/10.1111/asap.12010
Flicker, S., Flynn, S., & Maiuri, D. (2021). More partners, more problems? Exploring the mental health experiences of consensually non-monogamous individuals. Psychology & Sexuality, 12(3), 203–217. https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2020.1827973
Moors, A. C. (2017). Has the American public’s interest in CNM increased over time? An examination of Google Trends. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46, 2043–2045. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-016-0930-5
Rubel, A. N., & Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. The Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.942722
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