Not just friends…an appreciation…
5/19/23
Dr. Shirley Glass, a renowned therapist and expert on infidelity, published the groundbreaking book "Not Just Friends" in 2003. The book explores the complexities of emotional and sexual affairs and the impact they have on committed relationships.
It is a must-read for anyone who wants to understand the dynamics of infidelity and how to prevent it. Her work explained the steady rise of workplace infidelity.
Dr. Glass's expertise in the area of infidelity stems from her extensive experience as a therapist. She has worked with numerous couples who have struggled with the aftermath of an affair, and she has written extensively on the topic. In "Not Just Friends," Dr. Glass draws on her years of clinical experience to offer insights into why affairs happen, how they can be prevented, and how couples can recover from the devastation they cause.
The path to emotional infidelity
One of the key points that Dr. Glass makes in "Not Just Friends" is that emotional affairs can be just as damaging as sexual affairs. She notes that emotional affairs often start innocently enough, with two people becoming friends and sharing intimate details about their lives.
However, these friendships can quickly cross the line into emotional infidelity if one or both parties begin to rely on the other person for emotional support and companionship that should be reserved for their partner. Dr. Glass explains that emotional affairs can be particularly insidious because they are often more difficult to detect than sexual affairs.
And there is no more fertile ground for emotional infidelity than the workplace.
Dr. Glass also emphasizes the importance of establishing clear boundaries in workplace relationships to prevent affairs from happening in the first place. She encourages couples to have open and honest conversations about what constitutes infidelity and to establish guidelines for appropriate behavior with members of the opposite sex. Shirley notes that setting boundaries can be challenging, but it’s crucial for maintaining the trust and integrity of the relationship.
Psychological and emotional factors
In addition to providing practical advice for preventing and recovering from affairs, Dr. Glass also explores the psychological and emotional factors that contribute to infidelity.
She notes that affairs often occur when one partner feels neglected or unfulfilled in the relationship, and that understanding and addressing these underlying issues is key to preventing future infidelity.
Overall, "Not Just Friends" is a comprehensive and insightful examination of the complex and painful topic of infidelity.
Dr. Glass's expertise and experience as a therapist shine through in her writing, and her compassionate approach to helping couples navigate the aftermath of an affair is both practical and inspiring. She is able to hold an empathetic stance with both the involved as well as the hurt partner. Her dissection of how male socialization sets men up to be vulnerable was particularly important , especially for the human resource perspective.
I’ve recommended Shirley’s book to dozens of CEOs over the years, and we are beginning to see a shift away from a “hands off” approach by HR departments. Now, 20 years after Shirley’s ground breaking work, a more thoughtful approach to office relationships is emerging in American business culture.
RESEARCH:
Glass, S. P. (2003). "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal." New York: Free Press.
Glass, S. P. (1998). "Psychological consequences of marital infidelity." Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(2), 167-185.
Glass, S. P. (2001). "Preventing infidelity: Guidelines for maintaining boundary clarity." In G. P. Mallory & L. A. Gale (Eds.), The new handbook of psychotherapy and counseling with men: A comprehensive guide to settings, problems, and treatment approaches (pp. 329-341). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Glass, S. P., & Staeheli, J. R. (2003). "Extramarital involvement and marital satisfaction: A brief research review." In G. K. Rhoades & S. W. Stanley (Eds.), Advances in marital therapy: Research and practice (pp. 55-72). New York: Brunner-Routledge.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). "Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviors, and consequences." Journal of Sex Research, 29(3), 361-387.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1997). "Exploring the meaning of extramarital involvement through personal interviews." Western Journal of Communication, 61(3), 346-365.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1998). "The impact of computer-mediated communication on extramarital involvement and marital satisfaction." CyberPsychology & Behavior, 1(2), 151-162.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1999). "Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment." Journal of Marriage and Family, 61(1), 213-229.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (2002). "Affair-proofing your marriage." Psychology Today, 35(2), 52-57.
These references demonstrate the breadth and depth of Dr. Glass's research on infidelity and its impact on relationships. Her work spans a variety of disciplines, including psychology, communication studies, and family studies, and she has published extensively in academic journals and popular media.
Her insights into the emotional and psychological factors that contribute to infidelity have helped countless couples navigate the difficult terrain of betrayal and rebuild trust in their relationships.
