Cats, Dogs, and the £70,000 Spouse: Are We Just Replacing Intimacy with Fur?

Tuesday, April 8, 2025.

British economists, in their ongoing attempt to put a price tag on every human sigh, have now declared that owning a cat or dog is emotionally equivalent to having a spouse—or receiving an extra £70,000 per year.

Congratulations.

Your emotional needs are now quantifiable, furry, and chew-resistant.

The study, published in Social Indicators Research, makes an odd and startling claim: a companion animal boosts life satisfaction by roughly the same margin as marriage.

And in economic terms, pet ownership equates to the wellbeing you’d get if the universe direct-deposited seventy grand into your account each year, no strings attached.

Let’s pause.

Because while this is delightfully affirming to people who share their beds with golden retrievers or read their horoscopes aloud to rescue cats, it also raises the question: what the hell has happened to human relationships that dogs are now our emotional equals?

The Method Behind the Madness: “Life Satisfaction Valuation”

The economists used the "life satisfaction approach," a statistical tool for translating qualitative improvements—like being happy, or less lonely—into hypothetical cash. It’s often used to assign value to things like clean air or proximity to green space.

But this is where things get curious.

This model treats life like a utility chart. Pet ownership, friendship, love, and now presumably warm baths and chamomile tea can all be plotted along the same axis as income.

The logic? If two people report equal increases in life satisfaction—one from a raise, the other from adopting a labradoodle—then those things are, in theory, economically equivalent.

Which is fine if you’re designing utopia using a spreadsheet.

Less helpful if you're navigating grief, marriage, or the absurdity of being a social animal trying to attach to something with a digestive tract but no accountability.

Are These Researchers Full of Dog Sh*t? Well...

Not entirely.

There’s plenty of legit psychological research linking pet ownership with reduced loneliness, better cardiovascular health, and improved stress response (e.g., Friedmann et al., 2011).

The idea that dogs reduce cortisol levels more effectively than spouses during stress tests isn’t new—it’s just not clear whether this is because dogs are soothing or because spouses are stressors.

But there’s another side of this dog bed.

A 2020 meta-analysis published in Anthrozoös (look it up, it’s real) reviewed over 50 studies and found weak and inconsistent associations between pet ownership and mental health.

The most consistent finding? Pet owners tended to think their animals improved their wellbeing—even when objective measures didn’t change.

Which invites a tough question: Are pets actually improving our emotional lives? Or are they comforting consolations for a society in relational decline?

Pets as Proxy Spouses in an Emotionally Exhausted Culture

The modern human lives in an emotionally thin world.

We are disconnected, overworked, digitally mediated, and chronically under-touched.

Traditional family structures are fraying. Friendship has been gamified. Couples therapy is booked solid for the next three months.

Enter: Your dog.

Your dog will not ghost you.
Your dog does not reply to vulnerability with sarcasm.
Your dog does not resent your anxiety, critique your tone, or withhold affection until you apologize for your mother.
Your dog simply exists. Softly. Lovingly. In a feedback loop of uncomplicated regard.

And that, friends, is allegedly worth 70,000 British pounds in today’s emotional economy.

Love Without Negotiation

Pets offer something increasingly rare: attachment without ambivalence.

In a post-romantic, post-consensus world—where partnerships require Google Calendars, trauma disclosures, and mutual “emotional labor audits”—pets just show up.

They do not require explanation. They do not analyze your avoidant tendencies. They are, in their silent way, emotionally secure.

But here’s the dangerous part: they are not reciprocal.

They don’t challenge your worldview.

They don’t hold a mirror to your narcissism. They don’t encourage you to grow. Ouch! I know, gentle reader, you hate this, and understand that it is also profoundly true at the same time.

Which is to say: pets may be emotionally stabilizing in the short term but potentially relationally stunting in the long run.

Policy Implications: The Government Should Subsidize Golden Retrievers?

The researchers suggest this new data should influence housing laws, pet access in public spaces, and tax incentives for adoption.

It’s not a joke. There’s a real conversation now about whether pet companionship is a public good, like streetlights or recycling bins.

And perhaps they have a point.

If pets do increase resilience, buffer stress, and reduce mental health costs—why not support their accessibility?

But let’s also be honest about what this says about the current state of Western societies: we are leaning on animals to do the emotional labor we no longer expect from neighbors, partners, or civic institutions. Yikes.

Final Thought: Pets Don’t Replace People. But They Fill the Silence

This research isn’t wrong. However, it’s revealing something it did not set out to study.

It doesn’t show that cats and dogs are equivalent to spouses. Not by a long shot.

It does indirectly posit that modern marriage is underperforming, and modern community is underfunded. In that vacuum, pets are not just animals—they’re a bedrock emotional infrastructure.

Yes, they make us happier.
Yes, they soothe our nervous systems.

But don’t mistake their simplicity for sufficiency.

Pets don’t challenge us to become better partners, citizens, or friends. Pets do not urge is on toward our best selves.

They comfort us precisely because they ask so little. A cookie or a treat would be nice.

And sometimes, when the world is too much, that’s all we can handle.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Gschwandtner, A., et al. (2025). Pet Ownership and Life Satisfaction: A Valuation Approach. Social Indicators Research.

Friedmann, E., Son, H., & Tsai, C. (2011). The animal/human bond: Health and wellness. Handbook on Animal-Assisted Therapy, 85–106.

Powell, L., Edwards, K. M., Bauman, A., et al. (2020). Companion dog acquisition and mental well-being: A community-based study of psychological effects. Anthrozoös, 33(3), 377–396.

McConnell, A. R., Brown, C. M., Shoda, T. M., Stayton, L. E., & Martin, C. E. (2011). Friends with benefits: On the positive consequences of pet ownership. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(6), 1239–1252.