Attachment Wounds and Complex PTSD: A Comedy of Errors in Human Bonding

Tuesday, February 11, 2025.

Once upon a time, a baby reached out for its mother, and the mother—distracted by war, economic collapse, or just a really addictive TV show—failed to respond. That’s how it begins. Attachment wounds.

Or maybe it was worse.

Maybe the baby reached out, and the mother responded unpredictably—sometimes with love, sometimes with rage, sometimes not at all. That’s the stuff that rewires a nervous system before a kid can even pronounce "nervous system."

Bessel van der Kolk (2014) laid this all out in The Body Keeps the Score, a book that made countless readers have to put it down every few pages and say, “Oh. Oh, no!”

He argued that our early relationships—particularly the ones where caregivers are supposed to be our safe harbor but instead turn out to be Category 5 hurricanes—create lasting wounds. And not just metaphorical wounds, but literal, biological changes in the brain.

Attachment and the Art of Emotional Landmines

John Bowlby (1969) theorized that infants come into the world wired for connection, like little social USB ports searching for a stable docking station.

When they get what they need—attuned care, reliable comfort—they grow up with what psychologists call a "Secure Attachment Style."

These are the people who can sustain a long-term relationship without self-destructing at the first sign of conflict. We both admire and resent them.

But when a child’s early needs are ignored, rejected, or met with inconsistency, things get complicated.

The result?

The nervous system wires itself around the expectation of chaos.

Children in these situations develop attachment wounds, which can later manifest as Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

Unlike single-incident PTSD (say, surviving a bear attack), C-PTSD results from repeated exposure to stressors within close relationships. The body and brain, having learned that the world is unpredictable and often dangerous, develop a kind of existential flinch.

A meta-analysis by Cook et al. (2005) confirmed that individuals with C-PTSD exhibit heightened levels of hypervigilance, difficulty in emotional regulation, and a profound sense of relational mistrust.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study (Felitti et al., 1998) found that children who endure chronic emotional neglect or abuse are significantly more likely to develop anxiety disorders, depression, and even chronic illnesses such as heart disease later in life.

Perry and Szalavitz (2017) expanded on this, demonstrating how early relational trauma disrupts the development of the stress response system, leading to heightened cortisol levels and long-term dysregulation.

The Neuroscience of “Why Am I Like This?”

According to van der Kolk (2014), trauma isn’t just something that happens to you—it’s something that rearranges you.

Brain imaging studies show that early attachment wounds affect the amygdala (the fear center), the hippocampus (the memory center), and the prefrontal cortex (the logical, "maybe don’t send that text" center).

Trauma survivors often live in a perpetual state of hyperarousal, constantly scanning for danger, even when they’re just trying to buy groceries or have a conversation about who’s doing the dishes.

A study by Teicher et al. (2003) demonstrated that early maltreatment leads to measurable reductions in hippocampal volume, a critical structure for learning and memory.

Meanwhile, research by Andersen et al. (2008) suggests that trauma-exposed folks experience decreased activation in the prefrontal cortex, explaining the difficulties in impulse control and emotional regulation that many survivors face.

Furthermore, research by McLaughlin et al. (2014) indicates that chronic childhood adversity alters the connectivity between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, leading to increased emotional reactivity and difficulty regulating distressing emotions.

C-PTSD is like having an internal fire alarm that goes off at random. A simple raised eyebrow from a partner can feel like the prelude to war. Someone forgets your birthday, and suddenly, you're six years old again, waiting for an embrace that never comes.

Attachment and Relationships: A Series of Unfortunate Events

People with attachment wounds often unconsciously recreate their early relational dynamics in adult relationships (Levine & Heller, 2010).

If they grew up with neglect, they might choose partners who are emotionally unavailable. If they grew up with volatility, they might mistake anxiety for passion. It’s like their nervous system is running a script written by a very cruel playwright.

This is why healing attachment wounds isn’t just about “finding the right person.”

The right person could be standing in front of them waving neon flags, and they’d still chase the emotionally distant one who barely remembers their last name. Attachment wounds make people experts at sabotaging their own happiness.

A study by Ein-Dor et al. (2010) found that souls with Anxious Attachment styles have a heightened sensitivity to relationship threats, leading to a pattern of excessive reassurance-seeking or emotional withdrawal.

Avoidantly attached folks, on the other hand, exhibit deactivation strategies—downplaying their need for closeness, often at the cost of deep relational fulfillment. Simpson and Rholes (2017) further demonstrated that insecure attachment predicts lower relationship satisfaction and a higher likelihood of conflict avoidance or excessive conflict engagement.

Healing: It’s a Process, Not a Miracle

Healing attachment wounds requires both relational and somatic work.

Van der Kolk (2014) emphasized the importance of body-based therapies like EMDR, yoga, and trauma-informed mindfulness, arguing that trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. Therapy (especially attachment-focused therapy) can help rewire the brain’s expectations about love and safety (Schore, 2003).

Polyvagal theory (Porges, 2011) suggests that regulation of the autonomic nervous system through safe social connection is crucial for healing.

Somatic Experiencing (Levine, 1997) and Internal Family Systems therapy (Schwartz, 1995) have also been shown to be effective in helping folks process early trauma and rebuild a sense of self-trust.

Additionally, Fosha (2000) highlights that experiential therapies emphasizing core affective processing lead to deeper emotional integration and healing.

But healing isn’t linear.

It’s more like learning to dance with a partner who keeps stepping on your feet.

It involves grief—the grief of realizing what was missing, what was lost. It involves anger—at parents, at past partners, at the universe itself. And it involves choice—the choice to stop reliving old patterns and build something new.

We Are Not Doomed, Probably

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh no, that’s me,” congratulations! Awareness is the first step.

And while attachment wounds may feel like they’ve permanently marked you, the research says otherwise.

With the right support—whether it’s therapy, community, or even just the relentless self-awareness of someone who refuses to let their past dictate their future—it is possible to heal.

Love, after all, is neuroplastic.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Andersen, S. L., Tomada, A., Vincow, E. S., Valente, E., Polcari, A., & Teicher, M. H. (2008). Preliminary evidence for sensitive periods in the effect of childhood sexual abuse on regional brain development. Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 20(3), 292-301.

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Cook, A., Spinazzola, J., Ford, J., Lanktree, C., Blaustein, M., Cloitre, M., ... & Van der Kolk, B. (2005). Complex trauma in children and adolescents. Psychiatric Annals, 35(5), 390-398.

Ein-Dor, T., Mikulincer, M., Doron, G., & Shaver, P. R. (2010). The anxious and avoidant dimensions of attachment and threat detection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(4), 630-648.

Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D. F., Spitz, A. M., Edwards, V., ... & Marks, J. S. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245-258.

Fosha, D. (2000). The transforming power of affect: A model for accelerated change. Basic Books.

Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma. North Atlantic Books.

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find—and keep—love. TarcherPerigee.

McLaughlin, K. A., Peverill, M., Gold, A. L., Alves, S., & Sheridan, M. A. (2014). Child maltreatment and neural systems underlying emotion regulation. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 54(9), 753-762.

Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The boy who was raised as a dog: And other stories from a child psychiatrist's notebook—What traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing. Basic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect dysregulation and disorders of the self. W. W. Norton & Company.

Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal family systems therapy. Guilford Press.

Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 19-24.

Teicher, M. H., Anderson, C. M., Polcari, A., Anderson, S. L., Navalta, C. P., & Kim, D. M. (2003). The neurobiological consequences of early stress and childhood maltreatment. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 27(1-2), 33-44.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.