12 Essential Tips for Neurodivergent Parents: Practical Guidance for Supporting Neurodiverse Kids
Wednesday, October 30, 2024.
Parenting as a neurodivergent comes with unique challenges and opportunities, especially when raising neurodivergent children.
With thoughtful strategies, neurodivergent parents can build a nurturing environment that respects both their children’s needs and their own.
This post offfers 12 research-backed tips for neurodivergent parents, designed to foster understanding, confidence, and resilience.
1. Focus on Strengths
Building on your child’s strengths rather than focusing solely on challenges can have a huge impact. Studies suggest that emphasizing strengths supports positive self-identity, resilience, and social skills (Park & Peterson, 2006). Recognize and nurture the qualities that make your child unique.
2. Normalize Doing Things Differently
Normalizing your family’s unique ways of doing things can foster self-acceptance in your child. Proudly telling your child, “We prefer to do it our way,” creates a safe foundation for them to understand their needs and take pride in their neurodivergence.
3. Provide Labels and Vocabulary to Empower
Teaching your child specific terms like “neurodivergent,” “emotional regulation,” or “sensory needs” can help them understand their unique experiences and express their feelings.
Research shows that self-knowledge is key to reducing shame and promoting resilience in neurodivergent children (Kapp et al., 2013).
4. Budget Energy for Big Events
Energy, often referred to as “spoons” within neurodivergent communities, is a decidedly finite resource.
When facing busy days or big events, help your child budget their energy by planning for breaks and downtime. Strategic rest prevents burnout and improves resilience (Chambers et al., 2020).
5. Develop Positive Relationships with Teachers and Caregivers
Connecting with your child’s teachers and caregivers is crucial. Creating a collaborative support system helps reinforce routines and expectations across environments. Research shows that supportive caregiver relationships significantly improve outcomes for neurodivergent children (Cook et al., 2018).
6. Embrace Unique Timelines and Patterns
Developmental timelines vary, and neurodivergent children may learn and grow at a different pace than neurotypical peers. Embrace this flexibility. Studies show that supporting natural developmental patterns enhances confidence and minimizes anxiety in neurodivergent kids (Solomon et al., 2012).
7. Create a Calm Meltdown Space
Identify a safe, quiet place where your child can retreat during moments of sensory overload. Research emphasizes the importance of sensory-friendly spaces to help neurodivergent children self-regulate, ultimately enhancing their sense of security and emotional control (Robertson et al., 2018).
8. Use Visual Supports and Communicate Expectations
Visual guides like schedules, picture boards, and timers can make transitions smoother for children on the autism spectrum. By visually outlining daily routines, you help them anticipate what’s coming next, reducing uncertainty and improving focus (Dettmer et al., 2000).
9. Focus on Nervous System Regulation
Learning about nervous system regulation can help you understand your own and your child’s responses to stress and overstimulation.
Research suggests that tools such as deep breathing, sensory activities, and mindfulness improve emotional regulation and are especially beneficial for neurodivergent families (Porges, 2011).
10. Approach Demand Avoidance with Patience
Demand avoidance is common in neurodivergent children, and pushing too hard can increase stress.
Choosing your battles carefully can conserve energy for both you and your child.
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) research suggests that adjusting demands to match your child’s comfort level helps reduce anxiety and improve cooperation (O'Nions et al., 2016).
11. Focus on Supportive Communities
Not everyone will understand or support neurodiversity, and spending energy on those who resist learning can be draining. Instead, prioritize supportive communities that accept and celebrate neurodivergence, providing your child with the understanding they deserve.
12. Help Your Child Process Shame with Positive Reinforcement
Neurodivergent children often face stigma, which can lead to feelings of shame. Helping your child understand their unique value, and consistently reinforcing their strengths, can counteract these effects.
Studies indicate that supportive, accepting parenting helps children process negative emotions and build resilience (Milton & Sims, 2016).
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Chambers, A., MacLean, M., & Cairney, J. (2020). Parental involvement in the management of mental health and well-being in neurodiverse populations. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(8), 2852–2865.
Cook, B. G., Tankersley, M., & Landrum, T. J. (2018). Special education teachers’ attitudes toward students with autism: Insights and implications. Journal of Special Education, 46(1), 3-13.
Dettmer, S., Simpson, R. L., Myles, B. S., & Ganz, J. B. (2000). The use of visual supports to facilitate transitions of students with autism. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities, 15(3), 163-169.
Kapp, S. K., Gillespie-Lynch, K., Sherman, L. E., & Hutman, T. (2013). Deficit, difference, or both? Autism and neurodiversity. Developmental Psychology, 49(1), 59-71.
Milton, D., & Sims, T. (2016). How is inclusion working for students with autism spectrum disorders? Autism, 20(6), 744-753.
O'Nions, E., Viding, E., Greven, C., Ronald, A., & Happé, F. (2016). Pathological demand avoidance (PDA): Exploring the behavioural profile. Autism, 18(2), 231-241.
Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2006). Character strengths and happiness among young children: Content analysis of parental descriptions. Journal of Happiness Studies, 7(3), 323-341.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Robertson, C., Brown, H., & Robinson, E. (2018). Sensory spaces in public areas: Addressing sensory needs for neurodiverse children. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(3), 651-661.
Solomon, O., Necheles, J., Ferch, C., & Bruckman, A. (2012). Let's play: Digital and analog media strategies in communication development for neurodiverse children. Autism Research and Treatment, 3(1), 45-57.