Why American Parents Find Spanking Acceptable but Hitting Pets Unthinkable

Monday, December 30, 2024.

Spanking occupies a peculiar place in American parenting.

Despite decades of research condemning it as harmful and ineffective, it remains a widely accepted method of discipline in American families.

Contrast this with American societal attitudes toward hitting pets: a behavior largely seen as reprehensible and inhumane.

What does it say about a culture that prioritizes the physical safety and emotional well-being of animals over its youngest and most vulnerable members?

A recent study published in Psychology of Violence by Elizabeth T. Gershoff and her team delves into this paradox, revealing the deep contradictions and cultural norms that shape how Americans view spanking.

This research not only highlights the contested terrain of corporal punishment but also raises uncomfortable questions about the values embedded in the nation’s parenting practices.

The Study: Exploring Contradictions in Parental Beliefs

The researchers surveyed 286 parents of young children, asking them to define spanking, compare it to terms like "hitting" or "smacking," and evaluate the acceptability of physical punishment in various family contexts. The results were striking:

• 90% of parents agreed that spanking is a form of hitting. Yet many downplayed its severity, framing it as less harmful than terms like “beating” or even “hitting.”

• 30% of parents found spanking children acceptable, while only 17% found hitting pets acceptable. Hitting spouses or elderly parents, by contrast, was almost universally rejected.

This hierarchy reveals a troubling inconsistency: children, who are entirely dependent on adults for care and protection, are afforded less moral consideration than pets. Parents’ justifications often leaned on cultural narratives of discipline, safety, and control, which cast spanking as a necessary evil for raising obedient, well-adjusted children.

A Cultural Blind Spot: The Normalization of Spanking

To understand why spanking persists, we must examine the cultural narratives that sustain it.

America’s rugged individualism, deeply rooted in its frontier history, extoll the virtues of self-reliance, discipline, and self-control.

These values often extend to parenting, where physical discipline is framed as a tool for shaping behavior and ensuring compliance. Spanking becomes not just a method but a rite of passage—a means to instill the “toughness” supposedly required to succeed in our competitive American society.

However, this narrative obscures the damage inflicted by corporal punishment.

Research consistently shows that spanking is associated with increased aggression, anxiety, and mental health issues in children (Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor, 2016).

Yet cultural resistance persists, rooted in generational cycles of violence: many parents who spank were spanked themselves and view it as a normal or even loving act.

The Deeper Contradiction: Protecting Pets Over Children?

The stark difference in attitudes toward spanking children versus hitting pets underscores a cultural prioritization of innocence.

Pets, especially dogs and cats, are seen as innocent and incapable of malice, deserving of protection and care.

Children, by contrast, are often framed as beings in need of correction—small, willful creatures who must be molded into productive adults. This framing dehumanizes children, reducing their behavior to moral failings rather than developmental processes.

The cultural reverence for pets also reflects shifting family dynamics.

As birth rates decline and households grow smaller, pets often take on roles once reserved for children—as sources of emotional support and companionship. This reimagining of pets as family members further skews the moral calculus, placing their well-being on par with or above that of children.

The Role of Religion and Tradition

Religious beliefs also play a critical role in the normalization of spanking.

The oft-quoted proverb “Spare the rod, spoil the child” has been misinterpreted and wielded as justification for corporal punishment in many Christian households. This interpretation reflects a broader American tendency to conflate discipline with moral virtue, particularly within evangelical and conservative communities.

But this reliance on tradition ignores the evolving understanding of child development. Modern psychology emphasizes that children thrive in environments of safety, trust, and emotional attunement—values that are undermined by physical punishment.

Breaking the Cycle: Toward a Culture of Compassionate Parenting

To move beyond these contradictions, we must first confront the cultural narratives that sustain them. This involves a collective reckoning with the myths of discipline and control that underpin so much of American parenting.

• Rethinking Discipline as Connection: Research shows that positive reinforcement and emotion coaching are far more effective than spanking. These approaches emphasize understanding and guiding children’s behavior, fostering empathy and trust rather than fear (Gottman et al., 1997).

• Challenging Cultural Norms: The United States lags behind other countries in banning corporal punishment. More than 60 nations have outlawed spanking, recognizing it as a violation of children’s rights (Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children, 2023). Changing attitudes in America will require public education campaigns that frame nonviolent parenting as a moral and practical imperative.

• Supporting Parents: Many parents who spank do so out of frustration, stress, or lack of knowledge about alternatives. Providing access to parenting resources, therapy, and community support can help caregivers adopt more compassionate approaches.

• Integrating Family Therapy: Family therapy offers a unique opportunity to explore how generational patterns of violence shape parenting practices. By addressing the unresolved traumas that drive these behaviors, therapists can help families build healthier, more empathetic relationships.

A Vision for Change: Prioritizing Children’s Well-Being

The study by Gershoff et al. invites us to reflect on the broader cultural values that prioritize control over connection and tradition over evidence. It challenges us to ask why children, the most vulnerable members of American society, are often treated as less deserving of protection than pets.

As a society, Americans must reimagine parenting as a practice rooted in empathy and respect.

This shift requires not only individual change but also systemic reform—policies that protect children from violence, resources that support parents, and cultural narratives that celebrate compassion over control.

By breaking the cycle of physical punishment, we can create a world where children are valued not for their obedience but for their humanity.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Gershoff, E. T., & Grogan-Kaylor, A. (2016). Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(4), 453–469. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000191

Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children. (2023). Global progress. Retrieved from https://endcorporalpunishment.org/

Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.