When is Narcissism Just Confidence with Better Branding?
Tuesday, June 17, 2025.
Narcissism. The very word triggers eye-rolls, sighs, and a general sense that someone in the room has just started a podcast. But like most overused insults, it masks more than it reveals.
Because not all narcissism is a black hole of self-absorption.
Some of it—specifically narcissistic extraversion—might just be confidence wearing a Tom Ford suit.
This post isn’t about defending toxic people.
It’s about unpacking a trait cluster that our social-media driven culture has flattened into a cartoon for far too long.
If we can tell the difference between pathological entitlement and healthy self-regard, we might be able to stop labeling signs of self confidence as a conspicuous character flaw.
Narcissistic Extraversion: The Misunderstood Middle Child
Narcissistic extraversion includes traits like:
Assertiveness
Charm
Social boldness
High self-worth (but not necessarily delusions of grandeur)
In the right context, these traits fuel resilience, initiative, and leadership. In the wrong context, sure, they can spill into arrogance.
But as McIlvenna et al. (2025) show, narcissistic extraversion is positively linked with other adaptive traits like Machiavellian agency—which supports flexible coping and reduced depression.
In other words: these people bounce back.
They don’t spiral easily as easily as other folks.
And in couples therapy, they often look like the partner who won’t collapse under pressure.
Confidence vs. Narcissism: The Subtle Line
Healthy confidence says, "I know I can handle this." Narcissistic entitlement says, "You owe me because I’m special."
In therapy, I often see this confusion cause unnecessary conflict.
One partner sees the other's self-assuredness and mistakes it for ego. But under the hood, that person may be managing their vulnerability through action, through belief, through forward motion.
We don’t always recognize how rare it is to have someone who can self-validate under pressure. It’s not always pleasant. But it’s not inherently pathological either.
What This Looks Like in the Wild
The partner who doesn’t crumble when criticized—and can keep perspective.
The team leader who takes charge in crisis and doesn’t catastrophize.
The friend who says, "You’re going to be fine," and means it.
These aren’t signs of someone out of touch. They’re signs of someone who, when not overstepping, may simply be anchored by a more durable sense of self.
Why It Matters
Because in therapy, I see too many people shamed for having boundaries, ambition, or healthy self-respect.
We’re so attuned to spotting narcissism that we sometimes forget: a solid ego is not the same as an inflated one.
And when paired with strategic cognition (like Machiavellian agency), this kind of extraverted confidence can become a stabilizing force both personally and in intimate partnerships.
Closing Thoughts
So no, not all so-called narcissism is created equal.
Some of it is just secure self-regard with a good haircut.
If we can stop pathologizing confidence, we might actually learn something from those who walk through fire without narrating their every blister.
The next time you find yourself judging someone’s confidence, pause.
Ask yourself: Is this arrogance? Or is it that rare breed who knows their worth and refuses to be emotionally squishy about it?
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESOURCES:
McIlvenna, M., Fino, E., & Papageorgiou, K. A. (2025). More than just aversive: The bridge between the dark triad and depression and coping flexibility, the role of Machiavellianism. Personality and Individual Differences. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2025.112345