When Did Everything Become So Intentional?
Tuesday, September 30, 2025.
“Intentional living” has become one of those phrases you can’t escape in American culture these days.
Coffee, dating, skincare, even the way you spend a Tuesday evening — all of it is now expected to be done with intention.
Wellness culture, social media, and therapy-speak have braided the word into almost every corner of daily life.
On TikTok, one person may show a carefully curated “slowmaxxing”
Sunday: vinyl records, watering plants, lighting soft lamps.
Another shares a sped-up reel of cooking, cleaning, and helping kids with homework — all branded as “intentional.”
Something odd is going on here. Here are two completely different rhythms, but both described in the exact same way.
What is the overall appeal of intentional living?
Mindfulness and Everyday Choices
The popularity of intentional living makes sense.
Research shows that practicing mindfulness and being present can improve mental health, reduce stress, and support emotional regulation (Brown & Ryan, 2003).
In an era when technology and algorithms often drive our choices, “being intentional” promises a return to agency. It suggests we can step out of autopilot and reconnect with our essential values.
Therapy-Speak and the Language of Wellness
Therapists notice this too.
Clients use the language of intentionality as a way of reclaiming small choices in a noisy world.
For some, it means slowing down and savoring.
For others, it’s about structuring time to feel more purposeful. Both reflect a desire to feel grounded rather than swept along by external forces.
The Shadow Side of Intentional Living
When Self-Improvement Becomes Pressure
Still, there’s a flip side. If every moment has to be optimized, life begins to feel like a performance review.
Rest becomes another task to do correctly. Fun gets scheduled. Even dating is now “intentional,” often framed around curated goals and strategies.
The Risk of Over-Self-Focus
This pressure to live intentionally can actually heighten anxiety.
Research suggests that excessive self-focus, even in the name of self-improvement, may undermine well-being (Mor & Winquist, 2002). In other words: if intentionality becomes another form of self-surveillance, it can backfire.
And of course, no amount of intentional living can protect us from life’s unpredictability.
Heartbreak, illness, and loss arrive whether or not they’re on the agenda. Some of the richest experiences — the unexpected conversation, the spontaneous laugh, the plan that went sideways — happen without any degree of purpose or intention.
Finding Balance Between Purpose and Spontaneity
Intentional Living Practices That Work
Intentional living doesn’t have to mean constant optimization. Instead, it can be about balance. Use intentionality when it helps you feel anchored. Let go when life offers joy you couldn’t have planned.
The Research on Autonomy and Well-Being
The research on self-determination theory shows that well-being thrives not from rigid control, but from a sense of autonomy, connection, and meaning (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Sometimes that looks like deliberate choices, and sometimes it looks like surrendering to the moment.
So yeah, drink the coffee because you want to savor it.
Go for the walk because your body craves it. Laugh too hard at something silly. Intentional living has its place — but so does being gloriously unintentional.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Brown, K. W., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(4), 822–848. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.4.822
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01
Mor, N., & Winquist, J. (2002). Self-focused attention and negative affect: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 638–662. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.638