What are the best couples therapy books?
Monday, February 19, 2024.
A definitive list of the best couples therapy books…
Many authors have attempted to provide guidance, strategies, and insights into effective couple therapy and better relationships.
Most of these books are derivative, repetitive, and utterly lacking in original thought.
On the other hand, some books have had enormous social and cultural impact.
I’m somewhat of an expert on the history of couples therapy literature. I own most of these tomes in my rather colossal library.
Here, with brief descriptions, are the best couples therapy books ever written…
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver
This seminal work by renowned psychologist John Gottman outlines seven principles that are utterly essential for fostering strong and healthy marriages.
Based on decades of research, Gottman presents practical exercises, communication techniques, and conflict resolution strategies that couples can implement to strengthen their bond and increase marital satisfaction.
The book also includes assessments and quizzes to help couples identify areas of improvement and track their progress.
With its evidence-based approach and accessible writing style, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is widely regarded as a cornerstone resource for couples entering couples therapy.
“Divorce Busting” by Michele Weiner Davis
This was a groundbreaking book. Michele Weiner-Davis, motivated by her parents' utterly unnecessary divorce, offers straightforward, practical advice on preventing divorce and how couples can stay together instead of coming apart.
Using case histories to illustrate her marriage-enriching, divorce-preventing techniques, which can be used even if only one partner participates, Weiner-Davis shows readers how to leave the past behind, and set attainable relationship goals.
Love and Asperger’s by Kate McNulty
Kate’s book, unfortunately titled, is essential because it was the first attempt to apply science-based Gottman couples therapy to neurodivergent couples. While I’m sure more books will follow, this is a seminal and accessible work for neurodiverse couples.
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Sue Johnson, the co-developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), offers a groundbreaking approach to couple therapy in "Hold Me Tight." Drawing on attachment theory, Johnson emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and vulnerability in intimate relationships.
Through seven transformative conversations, couples learn to recognize and address patterns of disconnection, rebuild trust, and deepen their emotional bond.
The book provides practical exercises, case examples, and insightful anecdotes to illustrate the power of EFT in transforming struggling relationships into sources of strength and resilience.
"The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman
Chapman identifies five distinct love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—and explores how understanding and speaking each other's love language can enhance intimacy and connection in relationships.
Gary created a language for love expression that resonated deeply in popular culture. The social impact of the notion of love languages has been epic.
"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix
Harville Hendrix's classic book "Getting the Love You Want" introduces the concept of Imago Relationship Therapy, which focuses on understanding the unconscious dynamics that influence partner selection and relationship patterns.
Hendrix explores how childhood experiences shape adult romantic relationships and offers practical exercises for couples to heal past wounds, enhance communication, and cultivate empathy and understanding.
By embracing the principles of Imago Relationship Therapy, couples can create deeper intimacy, resolve conflicts, and experience greater fulfillment in their relationships.
"Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel
I love Esther because she challenges me. Esther is among the most popular, intelligent thinkers on relationships today.
In this book, Perel examines the complex interplay between intimacy and desire in long-term relationships, offering provocative insights and practical exercises to reignite passion and cultivate eroticism while maintaining emotional closeness.
"Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships" by Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Johnson explores the science behind love and attachment, providing evidence-based strategies to cultivate intimacy, trust, and emotional resilience in romantic partnerships.
“Divorce Busting” by Michele Weiner-Davis
I look up to Michele as an essential thought leader. She gives straightforward, practical advice on preventing divorce and how couples can stay together instead of coming apart.
In this book, Michele used case histories to illustrate her marriage-enriching, divorce-preventing techniques, which can be used even if only one partner participates. Michele taught me “hopeful spouse” counseling, which is also called “couples therapy for one.”
"Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships" by David Schnarch
Schnarch's differentiation-based approach encourages couples to embrace vulnerability and authenticity, fostering deeper intimacy and sexual fulfillment in long-term relationships.
Gottman offers practical techniques for building emotional intelligence, empathy, and trust, facilitating healthier and more satisfying relationships with romantic partners and beyond.
This book’s hefty inclusion of try-this-at-home interventions makes it essential.
"The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work" by Terrence Real
In "The New Rules of Marriage," therapist Terrence Real challenges traditional notions of marriage and offers a fresh perspective on creating thriving relationships in the modern world. Real addresses issues such as power dynamics, gender roles, and the impact of societal expectations on intimate partnerships.
Through candid discussions and practical advice, he empowers couples to break free from destructive patterns, communicate more effectively, and co-create a relationship that is authentic, equitable, and fulfilling.
With its emphasis on honesty, accountability, and mutual respect, "The New Rules of Marriage" provides a roadmap for building resilient and loving partnerships.
"Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti
This book provides essential guidance and support for individuals navigating the challenges of divorce or separation, offering practical strategies for healing and rebuilding after the end of a relationship.
There are a vast number of books that cover this ground, But these guys have been the leading thinkers on divorce and personal transitions.
Final thoughts
Couples therapy books are cheap. They offer helpful resources for couples seeking to strengthen their relationships and overcome challenges. But books don’t talk and can’t confront you.
However, these books will expose you to some of the best available ideas, evidence-based strategies, practical exercises, and transformative insights.
Whether you’re struggling with communication issues, conflicts, or intimacy concerns, these books provide valuable guidance and support on the journey toward a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
They’re a great way to prepare for some seriously effective couples therapy. I can help with that.
Be well, stay kind and Godspeed.
