Is My Relationship Really Hopeless? Take the Quiz

Sunday, August 24, 2025. Is your marriage or partnership beyond repair, or just stuck in old patterns? Take this 15-question quiz to see if your relationship is truly hopeless — or if therapy could help you turn it around.

Hopeless, or Just Out of Gas?

“Hopeless” is a word couples sometimes whisper when the lights are off and the silence feels unbearable.

But here’s the quiet truth: most relationships that feel hopeless aren’t dead — they’re kinda exhausted. They’ve been running the same script for years, and the script isn’t working.

This quiz won’t tell you what to do. But it will give you a clearer sense of whether your relationship is really running out of road, or just stuck in a ditch that therapy could help you climb out of.

Count your answers honestly. Because cheating on this quiz makes no sense.

The Quiz

For each question, pick the option that feels most true.

1. When you argue, what’s the usual pattern?

A) We scream, sulk, or shut down — fast.
B) We circle the same issues but sometimes get a little traction.
C) We can disagree and still find resolution eventually.

2. Do you still feel admiration for your partner?

A) No. I feel mostly irritation or indifference.
B) Some days yes, some days no.
C) Yes, I still see qualities I genuinely admire.

3. How often do you feel emotionally safe with your partner?

A) Rarely, if ever. I brace for judgment or dismissal.
B) Sometimes, but not consistently.
C) Often. I can be vulnerable without fear.

4. How is conflict handled?

A) We ignore it or fight in destructive loops.
B) We talk, but it often ends unresolved.
C) We repair eventually, even if clumsily.

5. What’s the tone of daily interactions?

A) Cold, critical, or purely logistical.
B) Mixed — sometimes friendly, sometimes tense.
C) Warmth and playfulness still peek through.

6. How do you talk about the future?

A) I don’t picture them in it.
B) I picture it sometimes, but with hesitation.
C) I still imagine a future together.

7. Do you laugh together?

A) Almost never. Jokes feel forced or mean.
B) Occasionally, but less than we used to.
C) Yes, humor still connects us.

8. Do you defend each other in public or private?

A) No — I feel more like a critic than an ally.
B) Sometimes, but it depends on the mood.
C) Yes, I instinctively protect and support them.

9. How is physical intimacy (not just sex)?

A) Almost nonexistent. I don’t want to touch or be touched.
B) Inconsistent — sometimes there, sometimes not.
C) Still present — hugs, hand-holding, small touches matter.

10. How is sexual intimacy?

A) Gone, or feels like a chore.
B) It happens, but without much connection.
C) Still alive, even if less frequent.

11. When problems come up, what’s the response?

A) Blame, defensiveness, or silence.
B) Attempts at discussion, but often stuck.
C) A genuine effort to work it through.

12. How much contempt shows up?

A) Eye rolls, sarcasm, or disdain are frequent.
B) Occasionally, but not constant.
C) Rare — disagreements don’t turn contemptuous.

13. Do you still miss your partner when they’re gone?

A) No. Their absence feels like relief.
B) Sometimes, but I don’t feel much longing.
C) Yes. I notice their absence and feel it.

14. Do you share rituals or daily check-ins?

A) No — we live parallel lives.
B) Sometimes, but inconsistently.
C) Yes — we maintain small but steady rituals.

15. How willing are you both to try something new (like science-based couples therapy)?

A) Neither of us is willing.
B) One of us is skeptical but maybe open.
C) Both of us are willing to give it a real shot.

Scoring:

• Mostly A’s:
  Your relationship may feel more depleted than stuck. If contempt is high, affection is gone, and neither of you wants to change, therapy often clarifies that separating is healthier than continuing.

• Mostly B’s:
  This is the “exhausted but salvageable” zone. You still have threads of connection, but old patterns dominate. Therapy often works wonders here by interrupting the cycle and teaching repair. Don’t confuse tiredness with finality.

• Mostly C’s:
  Fondness, respect, and humor are still in the mix. You may be struggling, but you have strong foundations. Therapy can help sharpen skills, rekindle connection, and get you unstuck.

Hopelessness Is Only a Feeling, Not Necessarily a Fate

Here’s the thing: a relationship usually feels hopeless long before it actually is.

Older American couples, for example, often wait as long as six years after problems begin before seeking therapy (Gottman, 2015). By then, the word “hopeless” has been whispered so many times it starts to sound like prophecy.

But good science-based couples therapy interrupts that prophecy. It slows the spiral, translates anger into need, and reminds both partners why they chose each other in the first place.

Sometimes therapy saves the marriage. Sometimes it assists the partners in achieving clarity and dignity in parting.

Either way, it saves souls from living in silence, convinced the ice will never melt.

Hopelessness isn’t the end of the story. It’s the signal that the story needs a new chapter.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, methods, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3–34.

Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 25(1), 1–41.