Has Social Media Turned Relationship Anarchy into the Internet’s Latest Dating Trend?

Sunday, December 29, 2024.

Relationship Anarchy is an edgy philosophy that promises freedom, equality, and all the joys of intimacy, but with none of the strings.

Once a radical manifesto about rejecting societal norms, it’s now a TikTok trend sandwiched between avocado toast recipes and manifesting your soulmate.

If you’ve ever wanted to organize your love life with zero commitment but all the drama, congratulations—you’ve found your tribe.

But has the internet watered down, misunderstood, or just plain hijacked RA?

Oh, absolutely.

Let’s dive into how Relationship Anarchy has transformed into the millennial/Gen Z mating call for avoiding accountability.

Social Media’s RA Influencers: Self-Help or Self-Indulgence?

Enter the #RelationshipAnarchy influencers, armed with perfect lighting, vague captions, and a total lack of irony. They’ll tell you things like:

• “You don’t have to prioritize your romantic partner over your friends. #Equality”

• “RA means being free from expectations—so don’t expect me to text back. Ever.”

While RA influencers claim to promote self-awareness and emotional independence, their advice often sounds suspiciously like "I’ll do what I want, and you’ll deal with it." Are they advocating a philosophy of freedom, or just avoiding the hassle of answering their DMs? You be the judge.

RA Memes: Turning Destructive, Depraved ideas into Punchlines

If you thought RA was too nuanced to be reduced to a meme, welcome to the twilight days of 2024. Social media has boiled down the philosophy into quips like:

• “Relationship hierarchies are for pyramids, not people.”

• “Why commit when you can vibe?”

Yes, it’s catchy, but it also completely misses the point.

The original Relationship Anarchy Manifesto was a benign, but wrong-headed effort toward radical honesty, deep communication, and shared values—not just using a fun buzzword to justify why you can’t remember your partner’s birthday.

RA and the Dating App Apocalypse

Want to see relationship anarchy in action?

Fire up a dating app like Feeld or Tinder, where “relationship anarchist” now sits proudly alongside job titles like “crypto entrepreneur” and “digital nomad.” Swipe right for:

• People who think RA is just polyamory with cooler branding.

• Profiles that promise “radical freedom” but scream “serial ghoster.”

Dating apps might give RA more exposure, but let’s be real: “relationship anarchy” on Tinder usually means “I want the benefits of emotional intimacy without any of the boring and annoying reciprocal responsibility.”

The Gen Z Remix: RA as Vibes, Not Values

Some cohorts in Gen Z has enthusiastically adopted RA—but with a twist. For them, it’s less about deconstructing hierarchies and more about aesthetics and vibes. On TikTok, RA is often paired with:

• Anti-capitalist manifestos that somehow involve $12 matcha lattes.

• Queer liberation speeches that blur the lines between BFFs, situationships, and soulmates.

While it’s inspiring to see younger generations challenge norms, it’s hard not to wonder: Is this about equality, or just an excuse to call your ex “a friend who still does my laundry”?

Critics to RA: Is It Just Commitment-Phobia in Disguise?

Critics of RA—and there are many—have plenty to say about its social media makeover. The most common complaints include:

• Emotional detachment: Some practitioners seem to interpret RA as “I’m not responsible for your feelings.”

• Zero accountability: When "freedom" becomes an excuse to avoid tough conversations or ghost someone, is it really radical?

Even relationship expert Esther Perel, (with whom I occasionally respectfully disagree with), has raised an eyebrow at the Relationship Anarchy trend, suggesting it reflects a societal fear of intimacy rather than a genuine commitment to equality. Perel’s translation? “Relationship anarchy means I get to bail whenever this gets hard.”

Reddit: The Wild West of RA Debates

For a ringside seat to the chaos, check out r/RelationshipAnarchy on Reddit. It’s a mix of earnest discussions, heated arguments, and occasional dumpster fires. Common topics include:

• How to explain RA to people who think it’s just a fancy way to cheat.

• Whether RA is compatible with, well, literally anything.

• The eternal debate: Is it still anarchy if you set boundaries?

These discussions occassionally end with someone yelling, “You just don’t get it!” And honestly? They might have a point.

RA in the Digital Age: Freedom or Just Flakiness?

The power of social media is that it can amplify niche philosophies like RA. The downside? It can also morph them into catchphrases devoid of meaning. What started as a radically naive, but ostensibly thoughtful approach to relationships has, in many cases, morphed into:

• A way to justify commitment issues.

• A trendy label to slap on your dating profile.

• A philosophy so diluted it now fits neatly into a 15-second TikTok.

Final Thoughts: Anarchy or Avoidance?

Let’s be real. As much as I insist that Relationship Anarchy is a profoundly bad idea, it remains a resilient and dutiful flypaper in the service of Cultural Narcissism.

Fans insist that, if pursued with integrity, RA encourages honesty, mutual respect, and a rejection of outdated relationship hierarchies.

But on social media? It often feels like the philosophy has been hijacked by folks who just don’t want to try all that hard in their intimate relationships.

If you’re truly interested in RA, here’s some advice: skip the memes, ponder the original manifesto, and ask yourself if this is a philosophy to foster connection—or is it just a convenient excuse to avoid emotional labor?

Because if your version of RA looks a lot like flakiness wrapped in buzzwords, you’re probably not practicing Relationship Anarchy. You’re probably just playing at being a narcissistic asshole. Just Sayin.’

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Hammack, P. L., & Cohler, B. J. (2018). Narrative, identity, and the politics of exclusion: The intersection of social media and relationship ideologies. Journal of Social Psychology, 155(2), 162–177.

Moore, M., & Dean, H. (2022). Digital intimacy and relational philosophies: A critical review of online relationship models. CyberPsychology Review, 19(4), 345–358.

Pew Research Center. (2023). The rise of non-traditional relationship structures among young adults in the U.S.Retrieved from www.pewresearch.org