How to Deal with Emotionally Immature Parents: Signs, Psychology, and Coping Strategies
Friday, March 14, 2025.
Humans who barely understand themselves are tasked with raising future generations.
It soon becomes self-evident that a troubling reality emerges: some parents never grow up.
Instead of being wise, nurturing figures, they remain emotionally stunted, reacting to stress with all the grace of a teenager whose phone just died.
This is not a new phenomenon. Cultural Narcissism has always taken suseptible souls.
Ancient mythology is riddled with narcissistic, vengeful parents (hello, Cronus).
Shakespeare built entire tragedies around emotionally immature authority figures.
Today, we just have TikTok compilations—30-second masterclasses in dysfunctional parenting.
But unlike in Greek mythology, where you could just overthrow the gods, modern psychology insists we use science-based coping strategies instead.
So, let’s consider the emotionally immature parents—what causes their behavior, how they impact their children, and what, if anything, can be done about it.
What Is an Emotionally Immature Parent? (And Why They Act Like Teenagers)
An emotionally immature parent is someone who, despite their adult body, exhibits childlike emotional regulation skills. Their prefrontal cortex—the brain’s control center for impulse regulation and decision-making—is underdeveloped or inefficient (Davidson et al., 2000).
Signs of Emotionally Immature Parents
Psychologists have identified four main types (Gibson, 2015):
The Passive Parent – Avoids emotional conflict, lets chaos reign, and hopes it all “works itself out.”
The Rejecting Parent – Emotionally distant, dismissive, or outright cruel when challenged.
The Controlling Parent – Uses fear, guilt, or micromanagement instead of mutual respect.
The Self-Absorbed Parent – Treats their children as side characters in their own life’s movie.
Sound familiar? If your parent has ever made your feelings about them instead of about you, welcome to the club.
What the Science Says
Studies on Attachment Theory confirm that children raised by emotionally immature caregivers develop unpredictable stress responses (Ainsworth et al., 1978).
Their nervous systems get wired to expect instability, emotional neglect, or volatility, leading to lifelong patterns of anxiety, hyper-vigilance, or difficulty trusting others(Kochanska et al., 2001).
But not all research agrees that emotional immaturity is purely a brain development issue.
Some studies point to social learning—parents modeling the dysfunctional behaviors they were raised with (Lemerise & Arsenio, 2000). In short: if no one taught them emotional intelligence, they’re unlikely to teach it to you.
How Emotionally Immature Parents Affect Adult Children
The effects of growing up with emotionally immature parents don’t magically disappear when you turn 18—or even 50. Instead, they seep into adult relationships, stress responses, and even physical health (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
Common Psychological Effects
Chronic People-Pleasing – Trying to manage others’ emotions because you had to with your parent.
Struggles with Emotional Intimacy – Fear of closeness due to unpredictable childhood attachments.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries – Feeling guilty for asserting yourself (because it was never allowed).
Hyper-independence – Learning young that relying on others is dangerous.
What Research Confirms
Goleman (1995) found that emotionally immature parents often lack empathy, impulse control, and self-reflection—hallmarks of low emotional intelligence (EQ). This creates a generational cycle, where children of emotionally immature parents either:
Repeat the pattern, or
Overcorrect by becoming hyper-aware of emotions—but still struggle to navigate them.
Fortunately, there’s good news—understanding the problem is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Can Emotionally Immature Parents Change?
The Hard Truth
Research on neuroplasticity (Pascual-Leone et al., 2005) confirms that people can change at any age—but only if they:
✅ Recognize their Behavior
✅ Take Accountability
✅ Actively Work on Emotional Regulation
And therein lies the problem.
Most emotionally immature parents don’t do this because, well…they’re emotionally immature. Bowen Family Systems Theory (Kerr & Bowen, 1988) suggests that family dynamics resist change, and when one person tries, the system fights back.
That’s why setting boundaries is crucial—not to “fix” them, but to protect yourself.
How to Set Boundaries with Emotionally Immature Parents
Detach with Compassion
Linehan (1993) calls this “radical acceptance”—accepting reality as it is, instead of hoping they’ll become the parent you wish they were.
Recognize Projection
Freud (1915) was right about one thing: people project their unresolved issues onto others. If your parent constantly criticizes you, they’re probably externalizing their own self-doubts. Don’t absorb them.
Reparent Yourself
Siegel & Hartzell (2003) found that mindfulness and self-reflection can literally rewire your brain.
Give yourself the emotional validation they never did.
Practice self-compassion—be as kind to yourself as you wish they had been.
Find External Validation
Cohen & Wills (1985) discovered that healthy friendships and chosen family can buffer against the negative effects of childhood stress. Surround yourself with people who:
✅ Respect your boundaries
✅ Offer consistent emotional support
✅ Remind you that your needs are valid
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What causes emotional immaturity in parents?
Neuroscience suggests that poor emotional regulation and underdeveloped executive function play a role (Davidson et al., 2000). But social learning is also a factor—if they were raised in an emotionally unstable household, they may unconsciously repeat the pattern (Lemerise & Arsenio, 2000).
How do I emotionally detach from an immature parent?
Start by accepting that they won’t change unless they want to. Focus on:
Limiting emotional investment
Creating strong personal boundaries
Seeking external sources of validation
Can therapy help emotionally immature parents grow?
Yes—but only if they’re willing. Research on emotional intelligence training (Goleman, 1995) suggests that people candevelop greater self-awareness and regulation—but resistance to change is common.
Final Thoughts
If you have emotionally immature parents, you’re not alone.
The key is recognizing the cycle, setting boundaries, and reparenting yourself—because while you can’t change them, you can change how you respond.
And if all else fails? There’s always therapy, dark humor, and group chats with people who get it.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Ainsworth, M. D., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology Press.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
Davidson, R. J., Jackson, D. C., & Kalin, N. H. (2000). Emotion, plasticity, context, and regulation: Perspectives from affective neuroscience. Psychological Bulletin, 126(6), 890–909.
Gibson, L. C. (2015). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. New Harbinger Publications.