Understanding the 3 top reasons for leaving a marriage: insights from research
June 7, 2024. Revised and updated.
Couples therapists often hear various reasons from their clients for considering leaving a marriage.
However, a new study by Professor Samantha Joel highlights three dominant issues that heavily influence this decision.
Researchers studied couples who had been married for an average of nine years, as well as those in newer unmarried relationships.
Regardless of marital status, the decision to leave often boils down to three dominant reasons:
Personality Issues: According to Professor Joel, humans fall in love for a reason, often overlooking differences at the start of a relationship. However, as time passes, these differences can become more pronounced, leading to discomfort and potential reasons for leaving. The idea of the “perfect partner” may contribute to this, especially in today's world of abundant choices.
A Profound Breach of Trust: Infidelity, in particular, can be a significant reason for leaving a marriage, as trust is essential in any relationship. Couples who cannot overcome the breach of trust may find it challenging to continue the relationship.
Emotional Disconnection: Feelings of isolation and distance, often due to a lack of understanding of each other's inner worlds, can lead to marital dissatisfaction. Over time, unresolved issues and old resentments may contribute to the decision to leave.
The study also highlighted the role of ambivalence in decision-making. While some folks may have pragmatic, or altruistic reasons to stay, such as financial considerations or the impact on children, others may focus on positive aspects of the relationship, such as admiration for their partner's personality.
Final thoughts
Professor Joel's study provides insights into how folks weigh the pros and cons of their relationships when deciding whether to stay or leave. Understanding these emotional and practical considerations can be crucial in navigating the complexities of relationships.
Do you need help determining if your relationship can be saved? Consider seeking support from a qualified couples therapist who can help you explore your options and make informed decisions about your future. I can help with that.
If you’ ve read this far, please let me know if I can help.
In the meantime, here are some questions that delve deeper into the implications of the research on reasons for leaving a marriage during challenging and stressful times:
How do folks navigate deciding whether to stay or leave a marriage during particularly challenging periods, such as economic downturns or health crises?
What role do external stressors play in amplifying or diminishing the perceived importance of reasons to leave a marriage, especially compared to the pragmatic reasons to stay?
How do perceptions of our partner's personality traits change during times of stress, and how does this impact our decision-making regarding the relationship?
Can the findings of this research help individual partners and couples better understand and manage their expectations of each other during challenging times, potentially leading to stronger relationships?
How do cultural and societal norms influence our decisions to stay or leave a marriage during stressful periods, and how can this knowledge be used by couples therapists to provide better support and guidance?
Are there specific strategies or interventions that can be implemented to help couples navigate challenging times in their relationship, particularly when faced with issues related to trust, personality differences, or emotional disconnection?
How do humans weigh the long-term consequences of leaving a marriage against the short-term challenges they may face, and what factors influence their decision-making in this regard?
How can couples therapists employ these research findings to support couples experiencing difficulties in their relationship more effectively, especially during stressful times?
Are there gender differences in how folks perceive and prioritize reasons for leaving a marriage during challenging times, and if so, what implications does this have for relationship dynamics?
How can partners develop resilience and coping mechanisms to navigate the complexities of their relationship during stressful periods, and how can this contribute to overall relationship satisfaction and longevity?
These questions could explore the nuanced implications of the research on reasons for leaving a marriage, particularly in challenging and stressful times.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
The study was published in Journal of Social Psychology and Personality Science (Joel et al., 2017).
